Gibberish From Halmark!

 

Hello! 

I'd wish you a Happy New Year, but that concept doesn't seem possible already, just 14 days in.  

I took a bit of a break to start the year, and to make up for it, I have an EP. a HALMARK EP. It looks like I've only featured Halmark once in the past 18 months, and that was almost a year ago. The big focus here is on the first song of the EP, something called "The Sketch". 

Label stalwart Jack Kim sings "The Sketch", and what comes out of his mouth is, as far as I can tell, is a mish-mash of nearly random words tied together just enough to make it clear that it's about an artist of some sort. I would love it if someone else would take a stab at figuring out these words. I just spent about ten minutes on the first half of the song, and here's what I came up with: 

"Amid the shavings, tools and winch, a burden task obscured to win that fight for accomplishment as his specialty of skeptic tour. Oh, wait, sigh, the way it goes. Our shrub or skeptic snarls. The ruined old be must sash door, my lore, the way of toils. The thought afflicts for reason sits....."

And then I gave up - I could not make out the next phrase at all. I'm sure I have some of those words wrong, but I'm also sure I have most of them correct. Anyway, I think this bunch of gobbledygook is worth the two week wait, and I hope you do, too. 

Download: Halmark Productions - The Sketch

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Next up on side one is "I Love You Only", with Jack Kim sounding, to my ears, remarkably like Dick Kent. This is a largely boilerplate "You are everything to me" lyric, although it's fun to hear what the writer finds to be "classy" about his gal. The writer apparently didn't write nearly enough words to fit over the endlessly reused backing track, so we get some "do-do-do's" and a recap of earlier lyrics in the second half of the track. 

Download: Halmark Productions - I Love You Only

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~~

Side two starts with "A Hero Unsung", sung by Jack Kim's wife Mary, and which a grieving daughter clearly wrote about her coal miner father, and how he died from Black Lung Disease, apparently not living quite long enough to benefit fully from a crusading labor agitator, if I'm understanding the lyrics correctly. I guess that makes him her hero, because otherwise I'm not getting what was heroic about him. If everyone who works hard for their families at an awful job are heroes, the word loses pretty much all its meaning. 

Download: Halmark Productions - A Hero Unsung

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I Can't Live Without Your Imagination

I am distressed at how little I've posted so far this year - an average of less than once every two weeks so far. So I really wanted to get something up here before nine weeks of the year had gone by with only four posts. And what better way to do that than with something I have very little to say about: A Halmark record that doesn't feature the crazy-voiced Bob Storm. 

To be sure, this one is credited to Bob Storm, but it's the other Bob Storm (search my posts for his name if you need an explanation). And aside from the hilarity that crazy-voiced Bob Storm causes for me, I think I'm just about out of things to say about Halmark (or in this case, Hallmark) releases. 

Here we have "I Can't Live Without You", backed by one of the most common of the Halmark backing tracks. Please note, I did not clip the start of the backing track. The record was released that way. I think that marks three posts in a row in which there is something faulty about the recording heard on one side of the record. Aside from the faultiness of the entire endeavor, in this case, I mean. 

Download: Bob Storm - I Can't Live Without You

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And yet another of the classic, most overused backing tracks is featured on the flip side, "Imagination". There is, at least, an interest conceit in the lyrical makeup of this one, although the resulting record is just as stultifying as at least 85% of Halmark, er Hallmark releases. 

Sing it, Other Bob!

Download: Bob Storm - Imagination

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The Cat and the Mouse in the Tender Trap?

I've been busy as a porcupine lately, to quote one of Shelley Berman's more "out there" routines, and I haven't posted in almost two weeks. I still don't have much time to put this up, but wanted to get something up here. I haven't put any Halmark records up in quite some time, so today's the day. 

So today, we'll visit with our old friend Bob Storm. Well, as has been discussed, there were two Bob Storms. This is that Bob Storm and not the other Bob Storm. Hope that clears things up. 

The only thing I'll say about "Why Is It So", is that it contains a set of lyrics that, as far as I can tell, don't mean much of anything. Your mileage may vary of course. But really, what, exactly, is being expressed here: 

But baby, you could be the cat that trapped the mouse in the tender trap... so why is it so? 

Um, okay. 

Download: Bob Storm - Why Is It So

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Oh, and this is one of the relatively few relatively rare cases where they spelled their label name Hallmark, and on which the singer was named. 

The flip side is "Blue and Lonely", and like "Why Is It So", it is built on a backing track that any Halmark/Hallmark fan will recognize immediately. 

Download: Bob Storm - Blue and Lonely

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Halmark: The Label Christian Song-Poets Prefer 10-1

This week, Christians are celebrating Holy Week, and so I thought what better time to feature a religion dominated record from that most religious of song-poem labels, Halmark. I don't know what it was about Halmark that attracted so many more religious oriented song-poets than utilized the other labels, but there's no doubt of the difference. Pick up any two or three Halmark releases and you are likely to find at least one, and maybe two or three songs with a Holy theme. 

(My apologies to Jewish readers, in that I have corrected the above paragraph, in which I indicated that Passover was also this week. I was sure I had heard that information, and even looked it up double check, but only looked that the dates, not the month, which is April and not March. Sorry about that.)

I have very little to say about today's offerings - really only a comment on one of them - so I will just line them up and let you enjoy them. Keep in mind that Halmark rarely labeled the performers on on their releases, preferring to provide the names and addresses of the song-poets. As it happens, these four songs all feature Jack Kimmel, in one case duetting with his wife Mary Kimmel: 

Side one features "I Am Thankful" and "Christ Jesus Touch": 

Download: Halmark Productions - I Am Thankful

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Download: Halmark Productions - Christ Jesus Touch

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Side two starts with the one song I'd like to offer a comment on. It's called "Things Just Don't Happen". So first "Things Just Don't Happen"? That phrase means that whatever things you are expecting won't be happening - it's an expression of dismissal of a possibility or, from the other side of the coin, disappointment about what didn't occur. I assume the song-poet's thoughts, based on the rest of the lyrics, was "Things Don't Just Happen", which is a completely different thought - things happen for a reason, they are... planned, caused.  

And this is yet another lyric of the type I mention last week, artless lyrics whose writer gave no thought to whether they could be fit into musical phrases. My favorite is probably "it's not a guess on the issues of life", but there are a few others. In fact, eventually, the singer has to narrate words that simply don't work musically, at all. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Things Just Don't Happen

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The EP ends with the only non-religious number of the set, "Dancing, Loving, Dreaming". Unless I'm reading too much into the lyrics, it sounds like this is the song of a man returning from time in the armed forces, and looking forward to his reunion with the one he loves. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Dancing, Loving, Dreaming

Play:

 

A Mother's Poem.... From Hallmark Cards.... err, no, From Halmark Records

Happy Mother's Day!

The Hallmark people have certainly made a mint off of mother's day, but the Halmark label didn't do to shabbily in separating folks from their money, when it came to songs about Mother, either. Or songs about Christianity. Or songs about mother AND Christianity. 

I actually don't think I know of two song-poems that veer into both mother and Christianity, but I do know of one, and it's a humdinger of a bizarre entry. 

The song is titled "Mother's Poem", although the first time listening, I was absolutely certain that the piece was mislabeled, because there is precious little in it about being a mother, and a whole lot about being (apparently) happily free of a late husband who never gave her a wedding ring, but in whose memory she refuses to re-marry, as well as being about the world going to hell (quite literally - she clearly thinks Armageddon is approaching, or, as one of my favorite song-poems says "The old world will end in a fire". 

The song is sung by Mary Kimmel, Halmark's resident thrush, with pointless repetition of some of the phrases, like someone suffering from echolalia, by her husband Jack, who was often credited (if at all) as Jack Kim. What I missed the first time is that one of Jack's responses is, in fact, to label the song (such as it is, most of it is spoken) as "Mother's Poem". 

So let's just guess this was a poem written by the mother of song-poet Etta Coon and enjoy it for its lugubriousness and downright otherworldly lyrics. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Mother's Poem

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If Mrs. Coon's mother went to the ends of the earth (and literally described the end of the earth) for some of her images and thoughts in "A Mother's Poem", the "lyricist" of the next song, "In the Beginning" went to the other extreme, as she seems to have simply opened her bible to various verses and strung them together, with a few passing phrases in between. 

This is not as obnoxious, I guess, as the "writer" who submitted The Lord's Prayer, verbatim, and called it his own work, but it's not a lot different, either. And yes, I know that Pete Seeger took the same opening biblical words that start this song, and many more lines from that chapter of the bible, and made his own song out of it, and the subsequent biblical verses, but at least he wrote the music to his song and added a refrain of his own. This person submitted lyrics to Halmark, which always provided the music and tune. So, as in the case of that Lord's Prayer submission, what, exactly is this person claiming to have written? 

Download: Halmark Productions - In the Beginning

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The remaining two songs from this EP are also religious in nature, and to my ears, don't contain much worth commenting on, or even worth sharing, but for the fact that I've always promised to share the entirety of each record. The first one is "Turn On Your Light"

Download: Halmark Productions - Turn On Your Light

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Finally, we have "The Parade of Miracles", which I was hoping was going to be about Smokey Robinson's singing companions, but it's not. This doesn't sound like Mary Kimmel to me, but maybe it is. I haven't honestly spent enough time listening to Halmark's female singers to recognize who it might be if it's not Mary, and what else she might have sung. 

Download: Halmark Productions - The Parade of Miracles

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Or Wait.... Maybe THIS Burning Is an Eternal Flame!

So, I thought to myself... "I haven't featured Halmark for awhile. I should feature a Halmark record". 

And within the first four or five I selected to sample, in advance of such a feature, I found I owned one with the exact same title and subject matter as the song I featured in my last post - John F. Kennedy and the "Eternal Flame". 

My first comment here is that the "Bob Storm" who is credited on this record is the tinnier, higher pitched vocalist who went by that name. Sorry for everyone who loves the ridiculous, deep voiced Storm. 

And the other comment is one which piggy-backs onto a great comment offered up by "Snoopy" to last week's Sammy Marshall JFK record. He wrote, about that song's lyrics, "what an odd lyric for what is supposed to be a solemn dirge, 'They shot him with a rifle; used a telescopic sight.'"

I will see him that observation, and make an observation of my own about another odd lyric in the midst of a solemn dirge, in Bob Storm's JFK tribute, in which he warbles "the life a man gave for the passage of one civil rights bill". (By the way, was that a theory at the time - that Kennedy was killed to stop a civil rights bill? I've not heard that before.)

Your homework for next week is to compare and contrast the Sammy Marshall and Bob Storm JFK tributes, including historical accuracy, musical merit and lyrical and compositional strengths and weakness. You can e-mail me your papers. 

Beyond that, please.... Enjoy!

Download: Bob Storm - Eternal Flame

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On the flip side, we have another example of a song-poem lyricist who didn't quite understand the difference between prose and song lyrics - or even the difference between poetry that's meant to be read and song lyrics. How is anyone supposed to make a decent song out of lines like "A Paragon of Excellence", or "Rage Ye Cyclones". Not that the folks at Halmark were trying, but even a master composer would probably throw up his or her hands if assigned to do something acceptable with these lyrics. 

Download Bob Storm - The Majestic Oak

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That Was Quite a Conversation!

(A side note right off the bat. I know this label says "Hallmark", but the company primarily used the spelling "Halmark", and to keep things easier with references and with post labels, I'm staying with "Halmark".)

Today, I'm sharing a Halmark EP (one of the relatively few that credits the man known as Bob Storm on the label), entirely because of the first song on the disc.

This song, "Our Anniversary" involves looking back at a first conversation (a "meet cute" as they say) between a now long-lasting couple. The relating of this conversation - well, the actual "lines" which are reported), is so ham-fisted and ridiculous that I laughed out loud the first time I heard a particular line from it, and I couldn't want to share it with you. 

The song lasts about three minutes, but the key section is from 0:36 to 1:27. I somehow hope this was a first person report, except that I can't fathom that the conversation related actually happened. 

Download: Bob Storm - Our Anniversary

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The rest of the disc does not meet the standard set by the opener, and I don't have much to say about them. "Pretty Little Girl" comes next, and like "Anniversary" it is based on one of the most common Halmark backing tracks. I will say that, had I come across this track on a early 1950's 78, I would have believed it was a (poor) attempt at making a hit record, which is something that I can't say about most Halmark records (or most song-poems, but particularly not most Halmark records). The melody, for one thing, holds together pretty dang well, comparatively speaking. The problem (well, one problem) is that this record probably came out some time in the mid 1970's. 

Oh, and I literally just heard in my head that this backing track might well have been created for a version of "Who's Sorry Now". Have a listen, and see what you think!

Download: Bob Storm - Pretty Little Girl

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~~

Flipping this precious disc over, we hear yet a THIRD of the most common Halmark backing tracks, this time accompanying the song "One and Only"

Download: Bob Storm - One and Only

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The EP finishes up with "My Mother's Lullaby". Here we have a slightly less frequently used backing track, one which approximately no one would associate with the word "Lullaby". This is one of those songs that uses all the letters in the song to offer words that spell out "Mother", and how they apply to mother. This is not, in my opinion, handled well by the lyricists, nor is it a song-style that suggest a "lullaby" any more than the jazzy backing track does. 

The melody chosen here puts a real strain on ol' Bob's pipes here, too, especially as he sings the words "the ease with which you show your love", a phrase which just rolls of the tongue, and which is, of course, exceptionally well suited for use in a melodic song. 

Download: Bob Storm - My Mother's Lullaby

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 And now, a couple of cut-ups. Just so you know, whether you like these, hate 'em or are somewhere in between, I think I'm getting to the end of those which are presentable. Although I have about seven 90 minute cassettes full of these things, most of them are not worth hearing all the way through. I've been trying to give you the cream of the crop. Not sure how many more from that category are left. 

Anyway, first up, I have another appetizer. What you'll hear below is me fooling around with an American Top 40 broadcast in which Duran Duran had the number one song with "The Reflex". "The Reflex" is one of only two Duran Duran songs that I really enjoy, and by far my favorite. I really love the work with edited within the track, and the wild melody of the bridge. And that's what I played with here. There are two sections, the first making fun of all that editing that's within the song, and the second, playing with the band's name: 

Download: Fooling Around with Casey Kasem and "The Reflex"

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And here's something a bit more substantial. I've already shared one cut up of Walter Brennan's "Old Rivers" - not even a month ago - but I made at least a half-dozen attempts to do something funny with that record, as a story song, particularly one which is spoken, lends itself to what I was doing about a perfectly as anything can. Plus, "Old Rivers" is a wonderful record, and it's fun to play around with records I love. So this is a different cut-up of "Old Rivers than the one I previous shared here. 

As you'll hear, near the end of this track, I made great use of a Jack Brickhouse "History of the Chicago Cubs" record. 

Oh, and this one is free of four letter words (well, unless you count "fart"), although there are still at least one phrase here which might not be safe for work. 

Download: Walter Brennan - Old Rivers
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The Shortest Halmark Release Ever?

 Hello, everybody, hello!

Before I get started with today's items, I wanted to share that I have again been invited to be part of a podcast. It's the same show - Ephemeral - which has featured elements of my collection four times in the past, and has had me on, as an interviewee, three of those times. 

This time around, I am sharing the world of the Star Ads. Those of you who have been with me since the WFMU days, or the 2003 365 days project before that, might remember the Star Ads, but in case you don't know what I'm talking about, I have shared excerpts from them here and here. 

The new podcast, which features several more , previously unshared Star Ads, can be heard at: 

https://www.ephemeral.show/episode/star-ads

~~

I would also like to share that, as of this coming Monday, I will again be gainfully employed. Thanks to everyone who chimed in with encouragement and/or condolences regarding the loss of my previous job. 

~~

And now, a Halmark release that I found very interesting!

First, this is one of the comparatively few Halmark discs which names the singer, and what's more, it gets the singer right on both sides. This really is the vocalist most often identified as "Bob Storm" (of those which do feature performers' names, multiple Halmark releases have the wrong singer named on them). 

But more to the point, this is, by a significant degree, the shortest Halmark release I've ever come across. Halmark tracks tend to be lengthier than their song-poem compatriots from other labels, usually at or beyond three minutes, and regularly stretching to - and far beyond - four minutes. They often also seem to go on longer than those on other labels, but that's another story. 

But the lengths of both tracks on this release add up to less than four minutes and fifteen seconds. The longer of the two - "Goodness Can Still Prevail" - is just 2:09. 

"Goodness Can Still Prevail" seems to have been an exercise in rhyming for the song-poet, as he threw in a bunch of words that end in the "Ale" or "Ail". That made me laugh. Bob Storm certainly Bob Storms it up, offering his most unctuous vocal style, to entertain us. 

One last note: the absolutely cruddy sound quality that permeates the much of this track is from the record and not from anything I did in turning it into an MP3. That Halmark sold such a poor product, which sounds like it was recorded on damaged recording tape, says a lot about them.

Download: Bob Storm - Goodness Can Still Prevail

Play:

The flip side, "Fallin' Tears", stands out for me, in that I don't recall ever hearing this backing track before, on a Halmark release. Additionally, it certainly sounds like a track which was created for a specific hit song, as we've discovered to be the case for multiple other Halmark tracks. If there is another Halmark release in circulation this backing track - one I find more pleasant than most of what they used - please remind/inform me of it. 

It's also worth noting that the lyrics here are fairly direct, simple but effective, and not at all like many of the overwrought efforts that frequently found their way to Halmark's storefront. 

This track lasts just 124 seconds, and I'm having a hard time recalling a shorter Halmark track. 

Oh, and see below, after the label scan....

Download: Bob Storm - Fallin' Tears

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The song-poet in this case was apparently quite happy with his creation and with Halmark's work with it. As seen below, from the 45 sleeve, he stamped it with his name and address, and in another spot on the sleeve, offered a signed copy to someone named Ethel. 

And here's a quick update: please see the comments for a link that my pal Stu offered, to a Google Maps view of that very address.

~~~

And now, it's time for a couple more Cut-Ups. Please see previous posts, going back to the end of January, for an explanation of these tapes, which I made in the early '80's, while in my early 20's. I have two of them today. 

First up, a very, very short example, which is more of a "fun with the pause button" example than a true "cut-up". For here we have what I've called "We Will Rock You (Sliced and Diced)", 20 seconds of the first measure of that Queen classic, rearranged radically and somewhat violently. Hopefully, this will make you laugh. 

Download: Queen - We Will Rock You (Sliced and Diced)

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And then there is this rearrangement of the opening track from my choice as the greatest album ever made, The Beatles' "Abbey Road". I've indicated, in the track name, that this is a "composite" version of "Come Together", and that's because I cut-up that track twice, in quick succession, way back when, and while neither of them was funny enough to share on its own, they each had some great moments, so I have combined the best of each of them into one single cut-up. 

The inserts here rely heavily on excerpts from Monty Python albums, and also - as very many of my cut-ups did - ridiculous things said by Gary Owens on his wonderful show "Soundtrack of the '60's", which was in production at that time. 

Oh, and there are two four letter words mixed in here, along with at least one loud expression of another word not often said in polite company. 

Download: The Beatles - Come Together (cut-up)

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A question: are people enjoying these? Should I continue to share them?

God Is My Co-Writer

 Howdy, 

And a hearty Happy Veterans Day and Thank You to all of my readers who have served this - or any - country. 

Although I have now updated ALL of the "Song Poem of the Week" posts, there are still about 50 posts from prior to that project's genesis, which I will be updating, rather haphazardly. I also suspect I will be deleting a few non-musical posts, those which served a minor purpose at the time, but are fairly pointless today. 

It also strikes me that, with the subsequent growth of YouTube, many of my early posts may feature records which were then truly obscure, but which now are readily available. I'm going to keep the posts up, anyway, and repopulate the tracks. 

So today, I have uploaded a handful of posts from 2008. These include a feature on one of my all time favorite singles, the criminally obscure "Jingle Down a Hill", by Gaitley and Fitzgerald. I also rewrote a post about the first track I heard from the indescribably lovely group known as The Sacred Heart Singers (I later posted an entire album by this group to WFMU). 

There's a post featuring both sides of a Calypso 45 (about Elvis) that I was enjoying at the time, and a track from the radio show "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" featuring the unlikely sound of John Cleese singing. Finally, at one point that year, I shared a song which made the lower reaches of the Billboard Top 100 in 1957, one which has haunted, amused and fascinated me ever since, The Silva-Tones rendition of "That's All I Want From You". 

Except for the calypso and Cleese recordings, it's a collection of some of my all time favorite records. 

And now, back to the countdown: 

~~

Last time, I posted a couple of tracks by Teacho Wiltshire, and a few days later, I got a great comment from frequent correspondent Sammy Reed, who commented that "Our Teacho, He Died in 1969". 

This was, in case you're unaware, a play on a very well known song-poem, "My Daddy He Died in 1969", which was available in trading circles for years before making its debut on one of the online song-poem albums. 

This in turn reminded me that I'd promised another frequent correspondent, Tyler, that I'd find my copy of that same 45, because it features perhaps that most outrageous act of plagiarism I've ever seen on a song-poem release. It wasn't in with all of the 45's I'd alphabatized some time ago, so I had to go looking. And I found it! We'll get to the lyrical rip-off after the first two songs. 

The first track is the aforementioned "My Daddy He Died in 1969". I have always found this to be a deeply ridiculous lyric, over-the-top by several steps, but many others have found it touching and even profound (the latter for at least one person I've spoken to about it).  For those who haven't heard it, I'll share it here, as it sounds on my copy: 

Download: Halmark Productions - My Daddy He Died in 1969

Play:

Incidentally, my pal Stu, some years ago, took it upon himself to see if he could find  out when the man whose daddy died in 1969, had, himself, died. And he found out. That page led him to find "his daddy", which he shared with me, too. 

Next up is "Tears of Yesterday", which is tedium defined, nearly four minutes of yammering on over a track that is wholly without beat or feeling. And it's just keeping us from getting to the good stuff, anyway,

Download: Halmark Productions - Tears of Yesterday

Play:

~~

Okay, here goes. 

My comments are not about whether you, the reader are - or I am - a believer in any subset of Christianity. But I think we could all agree that someone who wanted to hear The Lord's Prayer set to music would almost beyond a shadow of a doubt be a Christian. 

And, being a Christian, that person would presumably know that The Lord's Prayer is perhaps among the two or three most famous utterances ascribed directly to the voice of Jesus, and that it has been credited to Him, in writing, for roughly 2000 years. And being a Christian, that person would almost undoubtedly consider Jesus to be God. 

So, in sending in Jesus' words to Halmark, and taking credit for them himself, what in the Lord's name was the good Dr. Patton thinking? What would many, if not most Christian faiths consider the act of claiming to have written The Lord's Prayer? I'm sure there are several answers to that question, but none of them are good. 

And yes, I know that there have been musical settings of "The Lord's Prayer" before. And I looked some of them up. They always say "Adapted by", or "Setting By" - in other words, the listed writer took credit for the music. And that could have been the case here, if this production was by any other label than Halmark. 

Because while some other labels did release vanity performances, and also had their performers record entire songs with music and lyrics by the unknown writer, Halmark always attached their vocal performances to one of about 14-18 backing tracks. And the possibility that Dr. Patton wrote music and melody for The Lord's Prayer and that it matched Halmark's pre-existing backing track is approximately 0%. 

As I said, I've encountered plagiarism on song-poem 45s several times, and featured it here when I've found it, but this is at another level altogether - submitting as your own work something you believe to be the word of God. 

As a side comment, please note that they used the exact same backing track for two songs on this EP. That strikes me as contempt for the customer. But then again, contempt for the customer would have been a good slogan for the Halmark people. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Our Father Which Art in Heaven

Play:  

The record ends with a rather esoteric lyric, titled "Mary Ann". The coy, indirect nature of the lyric here leads me to believe it was meant as a song about a shy courtship, although I may be reading too much into it. If it's not that, I have no idea what the lyricist was on about. 

But if I am right, then Halmark made a tactical error in assigning it to a female singer, in that a same-sex relationship was not likely what the lyricist was after, given that it was the mid 1970's, and that that song-poet had engaged with Halmark, perhaps the most conservative leaning of all song-poem outfits. 

If you have a different or better suggestion as to what's going on here, I'd love to hear about it. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Mary Ann

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A Full Song-Poem Album. On Halmark. Yes, it's a HALMARK ALBUM!

Greetings!

Before I get to the site updates and today's amazing offering, I want to let everyone know that I've again been offered the chance to take part in a podcast, about yet another item from my large collection of recordings. 

In this case, it's about the history of, and my history with, an album called "Musical Memories of Camp Bryn Afon", a record made in tiny quantities in 1965, one copy of which I've owned since 1985. It is a deeply obscure choice for this honor, but it is my second favorite album ever. 

The podcast is part of the series "Ephemeral", and is the fourth to feature aspects of my collection. This episode can be found here: 

https://www.ephemeral.show/episode/cba

~~

I have, as usual, updated yet another month of posts, in this case, October of 2009, a month in which I shared a fantastic and ridiculous Tin Pan Alley bopper, a different Tin Pan Alley record featuring two revealing sets of lyrics, a nice set of tunes from Rodd Keith and a rather insane dance tune from the pen of Norridge Mayhams. 

Finally, that month I also created a fun little mash-up, of two recording acts unlikely to have actually worked together, and I shared that in a post to be found here.  

~~

The big news this week is that, after a long delay, I am honoring a request from a reader, and posting something that I would guess is exceptionally rare: An album on the Halmark label. 

Released in what I believe was the early years of the label - 1969 - it's called "Mercy Drops", and is made up entirely of songs with Christian lyrics, with all twelve songs written by someone named Joe Carmen.

And the Halmark people were already up to their standard tricks, not bothering to hide the fact that they used the same tracks over and over again. One track is featured on a song on each side, and most ridiculously, another track is featured on two songs on the same side (side two). Perhaps they thought the song-poet. 

More likely, they didn't care. 

Whatever the explanation, I think it speaks a high level of contempt on the part of Halmark towards their customers, one that I've thought was clear for a long, long time. 

A few other oddities here. First, the logo on the record is entirely different from the style they used, and frequently modified, on their 45's, and what's more, it looks enough (to me) like the logo of the real (and enormous) Hallmark Cards company that there could have been a lawsuit, had more than perhaps 20 people ever seen this record. 

And second, two singers are credited: Bob Storm and Marshall Young. The songs credited to Bob Storm do not sound like the Bob Storm who is credited on some of the Halmark singles. But Marshall Young - on some tracks he does sound like, and quite clearly IS, the same singer so often identified as Bob Storm on those later records. But I perceive at least three singers here, labeled as these two men. It makes me wonder if "Bob Storm" doesn't exist the way that another label stalwart, "Jack Kim" clearly does or did exist, as we know his real name, Jack Kimmel. Maybe "Bob Storm" was a catchall for more than one singer, and not even clearly delineated as the unctuous over-emoter we all know and love until later. 

Halmark is just one mystery after another. 

Here's what the front cover looks like: 

And here's the label on side one. 

The tracks and credited singers on side one are: 

Mercy Drops - Bob Storm

God's Great Love - Bob Storm

Jesus At Calvary - Bob Storm

Fill My Heart, Dear Lord - Marshall Young

Our Father's Great Love - Marshall Young

How True Are You to Jesus - Marshall Young

Download: Mercy Drops, Side One

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The tracks and credited singers on side two are: 

When Jesus Came To Our World - Marshall Young

Christ is the Worlds (sic) True Light - Marshall Young

There Are Changes in the Heart - Marshall Young

Where is God - Marshall Young

The Last Word in Jesus is Us - Bob Storm

Jesus Did All Things Well - Marshall Young

Download: Mercy Drops, Side Two

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Here is the back cover: 

In case you can't make it out, the address of Halmark is listed as being in the small town of Lapel, Indiana (not far, I'm guessing, from Cuff Link, Indiana and Button Down Shirt, Ohio, but quite a ways north of Inseam, Kentucky), and was pressed by a company in Richmond Indiana, both far away from Halmark's actual headquarters in Massachusetts.

Here is the label for side two: 

Dear Mother

Happy Mother's Day to all of you Mothers and everyone who has ever even spoke to a Mother!

Today, I have again updated a month from this site's past history, in this case, June of 2010. 

Posts corrected from that month include a record paying tribute both to John F. Kennedy and to Kennedy's focus on Physical Fitness, a Brosh label release capturing two songs each from the Globe and the Halmark song-poem factories, a release on the tiny Arco label, with two singles, primarily featuring Joe Noto and Phyllis Ruby (including an all time favorite song-poem of mine, "My Lover",  and an insane - one might say "bananas" - Gene Marshall record about... Bananas. 

I also wrote a short post linking everyone to a large post I'd done at WFMU that month, all about the Fable Label. 

Oh, and that was the month I turned 50 years old. I observed that occasion by posting a lot of my old material. Quite a bit of that posting has been duplicated since then by my having put two entire albums online (in fact, it was this posting that led to me having the opportunity to post my "Many Moods" album online), but I thought I'd fix the post anyway - some of the material there is unavailable anywhere else. . 

~~

And now: 

I wanted to make sure to do something for Mother's Day, so I went through my singles, and whattaya know, the first four potential "Mother" songs were all on Halmark 45's. Two of them stuck out as particularly worth sharing, and I put the other one aside for next year. 

"Dear Mother" is a pretty typical "my mother is a saint" song-poem, but I found it interesting primarily because it features a backing track that I don't recall hearing on a Halmark label (although I may very well be corrected), and it's a bit different than than a lot of the tracks they recycled so much.  Also, that's certainly not Bob Storm singing, and I don't think that's Jack Kim either, so I don't know who it might be. 

I hope the song-poet's mother enjoyed it. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Dear Mother

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Up next is "The Possessor", and it's another one of those "yes, we get it, you're Christian" lyrics sort of lyrics, albeit one with a few more esoteric lyrics than usual. It's set to one of my favorite, completely over-the-top Halmark backing track, one which was behind a track on the first song poem record I (unknowingly) ever heard. 

Download: Halmark Productions - The Possessor

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~~

Side two kicks off with another backing track which was on the first song-poem record I ever heard. And if Mom got a happy tribute on the other side, Dad gets a sad story here. The song is called "Daddy's Gone For Good", and one thing that will be hammered into your brain by the time you're done listening to it is that, well.... Daddy's Gone For Good.  

I do like the fact that this particularly song-poet seems to think that heaven is literally in the sky - like somewhere hidden in the Milky Way. I suppose that's not a rare belief, but you don't often hear it phrased that way in song. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Daddy's Gone For Good

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The final track has the unwieldy (to my ears) title of "Unhappy Ends", and that's not a title that is obvious from the often even more unwieldy lyrics. He's really hoping for a reunification, but that title doesn't really indicate he thinks it's going to happen. The sudden fade out heard here is how the record ends. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Unhappy Ends

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MISTER TUTOR MAN!!!

I have a really remarkable release from the folks at Halmark today, but first, let's get updated as to my latest corrections to the earlier posts. In this case, I have corrected four posts from September, 2010 - one post from that month was already corrected some time ago. 

The corrected posts include an EP from Gus Kondas' vanity label, featuring three Film City productions (two by Rodd Keith) and one from Globe. Others just fixed today include a Gene Marshall record about Watergate, an oddity from the Lee Hudson song-poem factory, and yet another ridiculously great offering from the Phil Celia era at Tin Pan Alley. As mentioned, a fifth post that month, featuring a marvelous Meloclass release, which may or may not have been a song-poem, was already corrected some time ago. 

And now....

Weeding one's way through Halmark releases can be pretty much the dictionary defamation of a SLOG, and many a promising title turns out to be another turgid setting of vapid lyricism, set to a depressingly familiar backing track. Still, when I saw the auction last month for something called "Mr. Tutor Man" on a Halmark 45, I dedicated myself to earning that purchase. And that purchase was for the princely sum of One Dollar (plus shipping). 

And I'm here to tell you that, in a rare occurrence, this fantastically named Halmark track is, well, fantastic - (as is, I feel compelled to add, the song-poet's name: Ida G. Yaggi). The song is just about as peculiar as they come, too. And as a bonus, it's set to a backing track that I don't recall hearing before - although I may end up corrected on that. 

But truly, this thing is a wonder - compilation worthy, I'd say. I've now listened about five times now, and I simply have no idea what the song-poet is going on about. But first, let's enjoy the late '60's, Las Vegas-y opening blast of horns and chorus. The first verse is all about music, which made me think the writer meant "Mister Tooter Man" (as in a brass instrument), but then the verse ends with those classic lyrics "Teach Baby to Pattycake". 

The left turn turns out to be the focus of the rest of the song, as the vocalist - who I ALSO don't recognize as a Halmark regular - signs dramatically and with significant emotion about baking pattycakes for the last 100 seconds or so. 

All in all, a most enjoyable car crash of a song-poem. 

Download: Halmark Productions - Mister Tutor Man

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The rest of the EP, unfortunately, contains resolutely typical and borderline unlistenable Halmark product, featuring Mary Kim on the next two songs, and her husband Jack on the last track. 

First up is an exploration about whether the singer/writer is truly experiencing love, in the song "Is It Real": 

Download: Halmark Productions - Is It Real?
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Next up is a masterpiece of taking a few short lines of text - in this case, yet again, about discovering and being saved by Jesus, and stretching them into nearly three minutes, a la "My Daddy, He Died in 1969". In this case, the title is "I Trust in the Savior": 

Download: Halmark Productions - I Trust in the Savior
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And finally, we have a song-poet who apparently was bidding farewell to a close friend, and wanted to make sure the friend knew he wouldn't be forgotten, and to further make sure that he himself (the writer) wouldn't be forgotten. And he even throws in a little advice, along with several lines of text which would never, ever, be able to be fit well into a melody or song. Here's "Friendship is a Lasting Thing": 

Download: Halmark Productions - Friendship is a Lasting Thing
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I'm Ashamed... But Just to Be Clear... It's NOT MY FAULT

Happy December 17th!!!! Only Four Shopping Days Before December 21st!!!!

First, I want to again thank JW for what has been a slew of comments on older and recent posts. I believe you have entered the top three or four commenters with your recent dozen or so comments. Thanks particularly for your comments on the quality of my own comments - I appreciate it. I did see your question about Rod Barton, and will try to answer that in my next post, although there's not all that much to tell, unfortunately.  

And thanks to everyone who comments. Please know that if you ask a question, or simply say something that I'd like to answer, I will answer in e-mail, but can only do so if you connect your commenting persona on blogger to your e-mail address - almost no one does this, though. 

Also, I have repaired yet another month's worth of posts, this time those originally posted in September of 2011, including a Labor Day related record, a rather ridiculous title from Cara Stewart, a very sweet entry from Gene Marshall, and a wispy set of tunes from Sammy .Marshall.

And now, it's time to board the S.S. Halmark!

~~

For the last several months, I have been engaged in a nice series of e-mail conversations with a song-poem fan named Tyler. I think each of us have learned a few things (or more!), and it's been quite an enjoyable interchange of thoughts, information and ideas about song-poems. 

Tyler is passionate about Halmark Records releases, and writes at length about various aspect of this most esoteric of song-poem labels. And I realized recently that it had been quite a while since I featured the label. So today, for Tyler, and anyone else who loves Halmark - or who just finds the label endlessly fascinating, I have one of their signature EP's today, featuring their greatest/most awful singer, Bob Storm. 

The EP starts a bit slowly, with Bob Storm in his less outlandish vocal mode, singing over a late '40's/early '50's style backing track, complete with big band and choir, and typically sad, regretful song-poem lyrics, in the song "You'll Never Realize". There is a moment at the end when it seems that Bob has more lyrics left than the backing track is going to make room for, and he squeezes a bunch in, in order to hit the last words on top of the last chord. 

Download: Bob Storm - You'll Never Realize

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~~

The highlight/lowlight here for me - both for the lyrics and the performance - is the second track, "I'm So Ashamed". This track is extremely peculiar. The lyrical conceit is that the protagonist is that the singer is apologizing and expressing his shame - except that he also keeps saying that "I'm not to blame". That's quite an apology. Essentially, he's saying he was entrapped by someone who he could not resist - all her fault, I guess. There is a stunning lack of recognition of culpability on the part of the person being portrayed, and I doubt this is an apology most people would accept

That's a good enough start. But it certainly sounds like a deeply felt lyric, perhaps one written by a regretful man as a sort of (poor) apology to his lady. But a close look at the label shows it seems to have been written by a woman, so perhaps it's just a fictional lyric, unless it was about a same sex relationship. That seems unlikely, though, especially in that a man is singing it. 

And that man. That manly man. Bob really Storms it up here, switching from that mild mannered vocal on track one to the voice he wants to use when he's really putting on the... smarm. This is as Bob Stormy a vocal as Bob Storm has ever offered, ridiculous, over the top and grandiose

Download: Bob Storm - I'm So Ashamed

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~~

The third song has perhaps the song-poemiest title I've ever seen, "Leave Me Alone With My Beautiful Dream". It's such an all encompassing title that Halmark couldn't quite make it fit on the label. Bob's still in smarm-unctuous mode here, toned down perhaps a notch from the previous track, while the lyrics are pretty much what you'd expect from that title. 

I did want to point out the horrid mastering that was done on this side of the record: the dip in volume at about 0:48 of this song is on the record. The remainder of the side continues at this lower volume. I thought about correcting it, but decided to leave things the way they are, as this is just another Hallmark (no pun intended) of the shoddy nature of many song-poem products. 

Download: Bob Storm - Leave Me Alone With My Beautiful Dream

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Before the Storm-clouds leave our area until another special day, Bob treats us to "Drop Me Love". His wobbly warbling is the main attraction, although I find myself caught up in the lyrics - maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what has happened, or what is going to happen, in the life of the protagonist or his love. The lyrics seem pretty tortured and obtuse, but maybe that's just me - I'm a bit frazzled this week, so maybe they're clear as can be. 

I also enjoy the fact that this track seems to be pressed off center, even though its partner on the side ("Leave Me Alone") does not - I wonder how that was accomplished. 

Download: Bob Storm - Drop Me Love

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Happy Birthday, America!

Howdy, everyone!

I have again updated a month's worth of posts, in this case, November of 2012. These include a Sammy Marshall "special" (with a few comments celebrating the re-election that week of Barack Obama - and weren't those the days?), a happy Rod Rogers record (and a comment on an unexpected death of a family friend) and two different Gene Marshall records - one with an otherworldly instrumental section played by flute quartet (or an imitation thereof), and one specifically shared for that year's Thanksgiving Day. That November was certainly a month of up and down emotions at our house. Can't believe that was almost eight years ago... 

Before I get to today's offering, I also wanted to offer up this rather amazing little newspaper clipping, sent along by Brian Kramp: 

Rod Eskelin, mentioned at the top of the second column, was, of course, Rodd Keith. Thanks, Brian!

And now.... 

We're just a few hours from heading into July, and towards a rather subdued version of our annual national birthday party, this weekend.

So what better time to offer up a song-poem written for the biggest of national birthday's anyone alive at the time can remember, the Bicentennial. And what better (worse?) label to provide us with a song literally titled "Happy Birthday, America" than Halmark. In this case, they turned to label stalwart Jack Kim - this is one of the relatively few releases on the label where they credit the singer - and then seem to have actually commissioned original music for the lyric, rather than one of them moldy old backing tracks.

I said "original music", but am I the only one that, after hearing the opening "Bicentennial! Bicentennial!", expected to next hear "men have named you", so similar is the opening to the old song "Mona Lisa"....

Beyond that, the song-poet seems to believe that the US has done only three things worth mentioning. One is the winning of many battles on behalf of ourselves and the for the freedom of others. Fair enough. The only other two things worthy of comment, apparently, occurred in quick succession in 1968 and 1969, and while impressive and wonderful, hardly seem like the only things a decent country would have accomplished in 200 years.

All I'm saying is, the song-poet seems to be sort of giving just a bit of short-shrift to America's accomplishments.


Download: Jack Kim - Happy Birthday, America
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A moment ago, I mentioned that it was relatively rare for Halmark to name their singers on the labels of their records. That likely has to do with the designs they favored, the most common of which list just the name and address of the song-poet, confusing and confounding record collectors forever since, at least those unfamiliar with song-poems - they tend to think the listed writer is the singer.

Anyway, perhaps they also shied away from listing the singers because they were so inexplicably bad at it. A remarkable number of Halmark records in my possession which do show a named singer, show the wrong named singer. Most often this is a male singer identified on the label of a record sung by a female singer. But I've also got records where the names of frequent label performers Bob Storm and Jack Kim are mixed up.

Now I've speculated that "Bob Storm" may not even have just been one guy, so different are some of the records released under his name. But people know who Jack Kim is/was - Jack Kimmel was his name, and his voice is very distinctive. I have records with his name on them which are clearly the man identified most often as "Bob Storm", and "Bob Storm" records labeled as being by Jack Kim.

In this case, we have Jack's wife Mary Kimmel, but the label says "Jack Kim.

That was a lot of text with nothing to say about the song. That's because the flip is an uninteresting, unoriginal paean to God, similar to approximately 549 other Halmark releases, and using one of those deadly backing tracks. It's written by the same song-poet as the a-side, and titled "Oh Lord Thou Art Powerful".

Download: Labeled as Jack Kim - Oh Lord Thou Art Powerful
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