I Can't Live Without Your Imagination

I am distressed at how little I've posted so far this year - an average of less than once every two weeks so far. So I really wanted to get something up here before nine weeks of the year had gone by with only four posts. And what better way to do that than with something I have very little to say about: A Halmark record that doesn't feature the crazy-voiced Bob Storm. 

To be sure, this one is credited to Bob Storm, but it's the other Bob Storm (search my posts for his name if you need an explanation). And aside from the hilarity that crazy-voiced Bob Storm causes for me, I think I'm just about out of things to say about Halmark (or in this case, Hallmark) releases. 

Here we have "I Can't Live Without You", backed by one of the most common of the Halmark backing tracks. Please note, I did not clip the start of the backing track. The record was released that way. I think that marks three posts in a row in which there is something faulty about the recording heard on one side of the record. Aside from the faultiness of the entire endeavor, in this case, I mean. 

Download: Bob Storm - I Can't Live Without You

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And yet another of the classic, most overused backing tracks is featured on the flip side, "Imagination". There is, at least, an interest conceit in the lyrical makeup of this one, although the resulting record is just as stultifying as at least 85% of Halmark, er Hallmark releases. 

Sing it, Other Bob!

Download: Bob Storm - Imagination

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The Cat and the Mouse in the Tender Trap?

I've been busy as a porcupine lately, to quote one of Shelley Berman's more "out there" routines, and I haven't posted in almost two weeks. I still don't have much time to put this up, but wanted to get something up here. I haven't put any Halmark records up in quite some time, so today's the day. 

So today, we'll visit with our old friend Bob Storm. Well, as has been discussed, there were two Bob Storms. This is that Bob Storm and not the other Bob Storm. Hope that clears things up. 

The only thing I'll say about "Why Is It So", is that it contains a set of lyrics that, as far as I can tell, don't mean much of anything. Your mileage may vary of course. But really, what, exactly, is being expressed here: 

But baby, you could be the cat that trapped the mouse in the tender trap... so why is it so? 

Um, okay. 

Download: Bob Storm - Why Is It So

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Oh, and this is one of the relatively few relatively rare cases where they spelled their label name Hallmark, and on which the singer was named. 

The flip side is "Blue and Lonely", and like "Why Is It So", it is built on a backing track that any Halmark/Hallmark fan will recognize immediately. 

Download: Bob Storm - Blue and Lonely

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Christmas Eve Dream

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

We're going to have a Bob Storm Christmas this year. And what's more, we have DUELING BOB STORMS. 

As discussed in this post from about 16 months ago, intrepid Song-Poem detective Bruce Baryla got to the bottom of the two different sounding voices all attributed to one Bob Storm, on a number of Halmark (and related label) releases. There was a man with a typical baritone voice, perhaps truly named Bob Storm, and there was another man, who tended to go comically over-the-top in his delivery, named Marshall Young, who was also billed as Bob Storm, for unknown reasons. Read the post linked above if you'd like more information. 

Anyway, BOTH of them show up on this record, which came out not on the Halmark label, but on the related Grand Recording Co. label, which tended to use the same singers and use and reuse the same backing tracks that Halmark employed. 

That said, the first track, and the feature track for this post, actually seems to have a music bed specifically created for its lyric. Either that, or the folks at Grand chose, from their library, an unusually appropriate backing track. I've don't think I've heard this track before, although I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong. Given that it's a Christmas lyric, the opening musical quote from Silent Night fits it nicely (although I suppose that could have been spliced onto an existing track). I also think the words are sort of sweet, about children dreaming of Christmas morning and presents, and quite without some of the pretentiousness and over-seriousness that tend to weigh down so many Halmark compositions (ahem, the other three songs on the EP...).

The real Bob Storm sings here, and another sign that the backing track for "Christmas Eve Dream" might have been unfamiliar to him is that it sounds to me like Ol' Bob trips over the rhythm and melody a few times. That wouldn't have been the case with the dozen or more backing tracks he knew inside out, but maybe it would have happened in a one-and-done take over an unfamiliar track. Just speculatin'. 

Also speculatin' that perhaps the lyricists name was Dick Tracy. 

Download: No Artist Named - Christmas Eve Dream

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That first song was Christian related only in that it mentions Christmas, although it does so without touching on any of the religious aspects thereof. The remaining songs are unabashedly Christian in nature, although none are Christmas-related. The real Bob Storm returns for "The Power of Prayer".  

Download: No Artist Named - The Power of Prayer

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The same singer - and an EXTREMELY familiar backing track, return for a song about "A Dream" about visiting heaven. 

Download: No Artist Named - A Dream

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And now, the moment that you fans of the Ridiculous Bob Storm have been waiting for. Your man shows up to sing the all-too-brief, uncatchily titled "Evening Visit to the Sacred Shrine", complete with everyone's favorite feature, the short spoken word portion. And like the previous song, it's paired with one of those moldy, deeply familiar Halmark backing tracks. 

Download: No Artist Named - Evening Visit to the Sacred Shrine

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Or Wait.... Maybe THIS Burning Is an Eternal Flame!

So, I thought to myself... "I haven't featured Halmark for awhile. I should feature a Halmark record". 

And within the first four or five I selected to sample, in advance of such a feature, I found I owned one with the exact same title and subject matter as the song I featured in my last post - John F. Kennedy and the "Eternal Flame". 

My first comment here is that the "Bob Storm" who is credited on this record is the tinnier, higher pitched vocalist who went by that name. Sorry for everyone who loves the ridiculous, deep voiced Storm. 

And the other comment is one which piggy-backs onto a great comment offered up by "Snoopy" to last week's Sammy Marshall JFK record. He wrote, about that song's lyrics, "what an odd lyric for what is supposed to be a solemn dirge, 'They shot him with a rifle; used a telescopic sight.'"

I will see him that observation, and make an observation of my own about another odd lyric in the midst of a solemn dirge, in Bob Storm's JFK tribute, in which he warbles "the life a man gave for the passage of one civil rights bill". (By the way, was that a theory at the time - that Kennedy was killed to stop a civil rights bill? I've not heard that before.)

Your homework for next week is to compare and contrast the Sammy Marshall and Bob Storm JFK tributes, including historical accuracy, musical merit and lyrical and compositional strengths and weakness. You can e-mail me your papers. 

Beyond that, please.... Enjoy!

Download: Bob Storm - Eternal Flame

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On the flip side, we have another example of a song-poem lyricist who didn't quite understand the difference between prose and song lyrics - or even the difference between poetry that's meant to be read and song lyrics. How is anyone supposed to make a decent song out of lines like "A Paragon of Excellence", or "Rage Ye Cyclones". Not that the folks at Halmark were trying, but even a master composer would probably throw up his or her hands if assigned to do something acceptable with these lyrics. 

Download Bob Storm - The Majestic Oak

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That Was Quite a Conversation!

(A side note right off the bat. I know this label says "Hallmark", but the company primarily used the spelling "Halmark", and to keep things easier with references and with post labels, I'm staying with "Halmark".)

Today, I'm sharing a Halmark EP (one of the relatively few that credits the man known as Bob Storm on the label), entirely because of the first song on the disc.

This song, "Our Anniversary" involves looking back at a first conversation (a "meet cute" as they say) between a now long-lasting couple. The relating of this conversation - well, the actual "lines" which are reported), is so ham-fisted and ridiculous that I laughed out loud the first time I heard a particular line from it, and I couldn't want to share it with you. 

The song lasts about three minutes, but the key section is from 0:36 to 1:27. I somehow hope this was a first person report, except that I can't fathom that the conversation related actually happened. 

Download: Bob Storm - Our Anniversary

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The rest of the disc does not meet the standard set by the opener, and I don't have much to say about them. "Pretty Little Girl" comes next, and like "Anniversary" it is based on one of the most common Halmark backing tracks. I will say that, had I come across this track on a early 1950's 78, I would have believed it was a (poor) attempt at making a hit record, which is something that I can't say about most Halmark records (or most song-poems, but particularly not most Halmark records). The melody, for one thing, holds together pretty dang well, comparatively speaking. The problem (well, one problem) is that this record probably came out some time in the mid 1970's. 

Oh, and I literally just heard in my head that this backing track might well have been created for a version of "Who's Sorry Now". Have a listen, and see what you think!

Download: Bob Storm - Pretty Little Girl

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~~

Flipping this precious disc over, we hear yet a THIRD of the most common Halmark backing tracks, this time accompanying the song "One and Only"

Download: Bob Storm - One and Only

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The EP finishes up with "My Mother's Lullaby". Here we have a slightly less frequently used backing track, one which approximately no one would associate with the word "Lullaby". This is one of those songs that uses all the letters in the song to offer words that spell out "Mother", and how they apply to mother. This is not, in my opinion, handled well by the lyricists, nor is it a song-style that suggest a "lullaby" any more than the jazzy backing track does. 

The melody chosen here puts a real strain on ol' Bob's pipes here, too, especially as he sings the words "the ease with which you show your love", a phrase which just rolls of the tongue, and which is, of course, exceptionally well suited for use in a melodic song. 

Download: Bob Storm - My Mother's Lullaby

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 And now, a couple of cut-ups. Just so you know, whether you like these, hate 'em or are somewhere in between, I think I'm getting to the end of those which are presentable. Although I have about seven 90 minute cassettes full of these things, most of them are not worth hearing all the way through. I've been trying to give you the cream of the crop. Not sure how many more from that category are left. 

Anyway, first up, I have another appetizer. What you'll hear below is me fooling around with an American Top 40 broadcast in which Duran Duran had the number one song with "The Reflex". "The Reflex" is one of only two Duran Duran songs that I really enjoy, and by far my favorite. I really love the work with edited within the track, and the wild melody of the bridge. And that's what I played with here. There are two sections, the first making fun of all that editing that's within the song, and the second, playing with the band's name: 

Download: Fooling Around with Casey Kasem and "The Reflex"

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And here's something a bit more substantial. I've already shared one cut up of Walter Brennan's "Old Rivers" - not even a month ago - but I made at least a half-dozen attempts to do something funny with that record, as a story song, particularly one which is spoken, lends itself to what I was doing about a perfectly as anything can. Plus, "Old Rivers" is a wonderful record, and it's fun to play around with records I love. So this is a different cut-up of "Old Rivers than the one I previous shared here. 

As you'll hear, near the end of this track, I made great use of a Jack Brickhouse "History of the Chicago Cubs" record. 

Oh, and this one is free of four letter words (well, unless you count "fart"), although there are still at least one phrase here which might not be safe for work. 

Download: Walter Brennan - Old Rivers
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The Shortest Halmark Release Ever?

 Hello, everybody, hello!

Before I get started with today's items, I wanted to share that I have again been invited to be part of a podcast. It's the same show - Ephemeral - which has featured elements of my collection four times in the past, and has had me on, as an interviewee, three of those times. 

This time around, I am sharing the world of the Star Ads. Those of you who have been with me since the WFMU days, or the 2003 365 days project before that, might remember the Star Ads, but in case you don't know what I'm talking about, I have shared excerpts from them here and here. 

The new podcast, which features several more , previously unshared Star Ads, can be heard at: 

https://www.ephemeral.show/episode/star-ads

~~

I would also like to share that, as of this coming Monday, I will again be gainfully employed. Thanks to everyone who chimed in with encouragement and/or condolences regarding the loss of my previous job. 

~~

And now, a Halmark release that I found very interesting!

First, this is one of the comparatively few Halmark discs which names the singer, and what's more, it gets the singer right on both sides. This really is the vocalist most often identified as "Bob Storm" (of those which do feature performers' names, multiple Halmark releases have the wrong singer named on them). 

But more to the point, this is, by a significant degree, the shortest Halmark release I've ever come across. Halmark tracks tend to be lengthier than their song-poem compatriots from other labels, usually at or beyond three minutes, and regularly stretching to - and far beyond - four minutes. They often also seem to go on longer than those on other labels, but that's another story. 

But the lengths of both tracks on this release add up to less than four minutes and fifteen seconds. The longer of the two - "Goodness Can Still Prevail" - is just 2:09. 

"Goodness Can Still Prevail" seems to have been an exercise in rhyming for the song-poet, as he threw in a bunch of words that end in the "Ale" or "Ail". That made me laugh. Bob Storm certainly Bob Storms it up, offering his most unctuous vocal style, to entertain us. 

One last note: the absolutely cruddy sound quality that permeates the much of this track is from the record and not from anything I did in turning it into an MP3. That Halmark sold such a poor product, which sounds like it was recorded on damaged recording tape, says a lot about them.

Download: Bob Storm - Goodness Can Still Prevail

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The flip side, "Fallin' Tears", stands out for me, in that I don't recall ever hearing this backing track before, on a Halmark release. Additionally, it certainly sounds like a track which was created for a specific hit song, as we've discovered to be the case for multiple other Halmark tracks. If there is another Halmark release in circulation this backing track - one I find more pleasant than most of what they used - please remind/inform me of it. 

It's also worth noting that the lyrics here are fairly direct, simple but effective, and not at all like many of the overwrought efforts that frequently found their way to Halmark's storefront. 

This track lasts just 124 seconds, and I'm having a hard time recalling a shorter Halmark track. 

Oh, and see below, after the label scan....

Download: Bob Storm - Fallin' Tears

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The song-poet in this case was apparently quite happy with his creation and with Halmark's work with it. As seen below, from the 45 sleeve, he stamped it with his name and address, and in another spot on the sleeve, offered a signed copy to someone named Ethel. 

And here's a quick update: please see the comments for a link that my pal Stu offered, to a Google Maps view of that very address.

~~~

And now, it's time for a couple more Cut-Ups. Please see previous posts, going back to the end of January, for an explanation of these tapes, which I made in the early '80's, while in my early 20's. I have two of them today. 

First up, a very, very short example, which is more of a "fun with the pause button" example than a true "cut-up". For here we have what I've called "We Will Rock You (Sliced and Diced)", 20 seconds of the first measure of that Queen classic, rearranged radically and somewhat violently. Hopefully, this will make you laugh. 

Download: Queen - We Will Rock You (Sliced and Diced)

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And then there is this rearrangement of the opening track from my choice as the greatest album ever made, The Beatles' "Abbey Road". I've indicated, in the track name, that this is a "composite" version of "Come Together", and that's because I cut-up that track twice, in quick succession, way back when, and while neither of them was funny enough to share on its own, they each had some great moments, so I have combined the best of each of them into one single cut-up. 

The inserts here rely heavily on excerpts from Monty Python albums, and also - as very many of my cut-ups did - ridiculous things said by Gary Owens on his wonderful show "Soundtrack of the '60's", which was in production at that time. 

Oh, and there are two four letter words mixed in here, along with at least one loud expression of another word not often said in polite company. 

Download: The Beatles - Come Together (cut-up)

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A question: are people enjoying these? Should I continue to share them?

I'm Ashamed... But Just to Be Clear... It's NOT MY FAULT

Happy December 17th!!!! Only Four Shopping Days Before December 21st!!!!

First, I want to again thank JW for what has been a slew of comments on older and recent posts. I believe you have entered the top three or four commenters with your recent dozen or so comments. Thanks particularly for your comments on the quality of my own comments - I appreciate it. I did see your question about Rod Barton, and will try to answer that in my next post, although there's not all that much to tell, unfortunately.  

And thanks to everyone who comments. Please know that if you ask a question, or simply say something that I'd like to answer, I will answer in e-mail, but can only do so if you connect your commenting persona on blogger to your e-mail address - almost no one does this, though. 

Also, I have repaired yet another month's worth of posts, this time those originally posted in September of 2011, including a Labor Day related record, a rather ridiculous title from Cara Stewart, a very sweet entry from Gene Marshall, and a wispy set of tunes from Sammy .Marshall.

And now, it's time to board the S.S. Halmark!

~~

For the last several months, I have been engaged in a nice series of e-mail conversations with a song-poem fan named Tyler. I think each of us have learned a few things (or more!), and it's been quite an enjoyable interchange of thoughts, information and ideas about song-poems. 

Tyler is passionate about Halmark Records releases, and writes at length about various aspect of this most esoteric of song-poem labels. And I realized recently that it had been quite a while since I featured the label. So today, for Tyler, and anyone else who loves Halmark - or who just finds the label endlessly fascinating, I have one of their signature EP's today, featuring their greatest/most awful singer, Bob Storm. 

The EP starts a bit slowly, with Bob Storm in his less outlandish vocal mode, singing over a late '40's/early '50's style backing track, complete with big band and choir, and typically sad, regretful song-poem lyrics, in the song "You'll Never Realize". There is a moment at the end when it seems that Bob has more lyrics left than the backing track is going to make room for, and he squeezes a bunch in, in order to hit the last words on top of the last chord. 

Download: Bob Storm - You'll Never Realize

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The highlight/lowlight here for me - both for the lyrics and the performance - is the second track, "I'm So Ashamed". This track is extremely peculiar. The lyrical conceit is that the protagonist is that the singer is apologizing and expressing his shame - except that he also keeps saying that "I'm not to blame". That's quite an apology. Essentially, he's saying he was entrapped by someone who he could not resist - all her fault, I guess. There is a stunning lack of recognition of culpability on the part of the person being portrayed, and I doubt this is an apology most people would accept

That's a good enough start. But it certainly sounds like a deeply felt lyric, perhaps one written by a regretful man as a sort of (poor) apology to his lady. But a close look at the label shows it seems to have been written by a woman, so perhaps it's just a fictional lyric, unless it was about a same sex relationship. That seems unlikely, though, especially in that a man is singing it. 

And that man. That manly man. Bob really Storms it up here, switching from that mild mannered vocal on track one to the voice he wants to use when he's really putting on the... smarm. This is as Bob Stormy a vocal as Bob Storm has ever offered, ridiculous, over the top and grandiose

Download: Bob Storm - I'm So Ashamed

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The third song has perhaps the song-poemiest title I've ever seen, "Leave Me Alone With My Beautiful Dream". It's such an all encompassing title that Halmark couldn't quite make it fit on the label. Bob's still in smarm-unctuous mode here, toned down perhaps a notch from the previous track, while the lyrics are pretty much what you'd expect from that title. 

I did want to point out the horrid mastering that was done on this side of the record: the dip in volume at about 0:48 of this song is on the record. The remainder of the side continues at this lower volume. I thought about correcting it, but decided to leave things the way they are, as this is just another Hallmark (no pun intended) of the shoddy nature of many song-poem products. 

Download: Bob Storm - Leave Me Alone With My Beautiful Dream

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Before the Storm-clouds leave our area until another special day, Bob treats us to "Drop Me Love". His wobbly warbling is the main attraction, although I find myself caught up in the lyrics - maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what has happened, or what is going to happen, in the life of the protagonist or his love. The lyrics seem pretty tortured and obtuse, but maybe that's just me - I'm a bit frazzled this week, so maybe they're clear as can be. 

I also enjoy the fact that this track seems to be pressed off center, even though its partner on the side ("Leave Me Alone") does not - I wonder how that was accomplished. 

Download: Bob Storm - Drop Me Love

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Four Song-Poem Stalwarts on One EP

Happy March! 

First, here are the links to the posts I have fixed, in this case, from October of 2013: There is a fairly awful performance on Tin Pan Alley (that post also contains a link to a truly horrendous vanity release, also on Tin Pan Alley), an acetate from 1972 which sounds like it's from 1952, a very late period MSR release, which, against all odds, is actually interesting, and a Gene Marshall/Vietnam record. 

Today, we have another EP on the "Air" label, a label which seems to have existed largely, if not entirely, to release the works of other song-poem factories. Even after all these years, I have no real insight into why such an arrangement was made. Every one of the three song-poem outfits represented here had their own typical way of releasing their product, even if two of them didn't have their own specific "house" label. I'm pretty sure I'll never understand this particular side of the business.

As mentioned in the title, this particular EP contains performances from four different singers, one each from the Halmark and Lee Hudson production companies, and two from the Globe song-poem factory.

Side one starts with Sammy Marshall (Globe), here cunningly disguised as Sonny Marshall, with a song titled "God's Bouquet" one which certainly has it's lyrical heart in the right place, yet manages to stay well within a world I would call "aggressively trite". God made flowers in all sorts of colors, you see, and made people in all sorts of colors, too. We love all the flowers. Why can't we love all the people, too? Sing it, Sammy-Sonny!

Download: Sonny Marshall - God's Bouquet
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Next up is Halmark's entry, "How Much Do I Love You?", identified as being sung by one "Bob Parker", who sounds a lot more (to me) like the singer most often identified (when he's identified at all on Halmark's inconsistent releases) as Bob Storm. This is typical Halmark bombastic, over-emoted garbage, not good at all, of course, but also not ridiculous enough for me to recommend it.

Download: Bob Parker - How Much Do I Love You?
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With side two, we return to the Globe company, and a somewhat more rarely heard vocalist, albeit one who recorded extensively for the label, Joan Auburn (sometimes credited as Joanne Auburn). She's heard here with a slow countrified ballad titled "Meaning of Love". She has a warm, inviting voice, and makes this material far better than it deserves.

Download: Joan Auburn - Meaning of Love
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The folks at Air saved the best (by far the best) for last, with Lee Hudson's favorite vocalist (and maybe mine, too), Cara Stewart, singing "I Love You So". I've said it before, and surely I'll say it again: this sounds much like many of her other records, but God, what a sound that is, and what a wonderful singer.

Download: Cara Stewart - I Love You So
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An Odd, Grand Record

The ongoing updates to the broken postings will resume next time around.

Today, I have one of the more peculiar records from my collection. Its contents in and of themselves are not unusual, for those familiar with song-poems and with the labels involved, but their appearance on the Grand Recording Co label was, fro me, at the very least.... unexpected.

The AS/PMA shows Grand Recording Co to be a concern related to the much more well known Halmark outfit, and the small Chapel label that seems to have predated Halmark. This seems to be based on two things - one, the address for Grand was in the same metropolis - Quincy, MA, as Halmark, and two, the existence of the single record (an album) which AS/PMA was privy to when the website was a going concern. Presumably, the sound of that Grand Recording Co album was consistent with that of Halmark.

And that's what I thought I was getting. And when I listened to the most song with the most promising title on the EP, "We'll Never Ration Liberty", that's what I got. And that ridiculous Halmark sound continued into the second song of the EP. But then I flipped the record over.... And I heard two songs that were clearly from the great Preview label, including one featuring Rodd Keith that had a smoking backing track.

This provides more of a link than I knew of in the past between Ted Rosen's slimy business in Massachusetts (for I see no way that he wasn't involved, given the address of the "co" and the contents of the record), and the more talented - and somewhat more slick about their shadiness - folks at Preview. But beyond that, I have no insight into exactly what business dealings led to there being two West Coast song-poems on a New England label.

Regardless, it's absolutely an EP worth hearing, or at least (to these ears), three fourths of it is worth hearing. Let's begin, shall we?:

~~

Leading off is the aforementioned "We'll Never Ration Liberty", featuring the voice of the man most often identified as Bob Storm - although there have been enough contradictions about that name and the Halmark voices to leave me scratching my head. And it's a great, ridiculously patriotic lyric paired with my all time favorite Halmark backing track, the one most memorably used for "Lady Off Pedestal at Notre Dame" (although here, it is stripped of the backing chorus, so Halmark clearly had multi-track reels of their recycled classic tracks.

The vocalist seems a bit bored at times - I've never heard him sound more like he's phoning it in. But the cranky lyrics - and the singer's choice to pronounce "Ration" with a long "A" - as well as that bouncy track, and a nice final note, all keep me coming back for more, again and again.

Download: No Artist Named (Bob Storm) - We'll Never Ration Liberty
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Next up is the same singer, happily enough singing over my second favorite Halmark track, the one best used on "My Hamburger Baby" (a song I love so much that I recorded a cover version!) In this, case, after a spoken introduction, we get "If I Had One Wish", one of those "we should all love each other" songs, long on platitudes, and completely absent of actual ideas for making things happen, featuring a much more Bob Storm-ish over-the-top performance.

Download: No Artist Named (Bob Storm) - If I Had One Wish
Play:

~~

Let's flip the record over, shall we?

As mentioned, the flip side really caught me off guard. Within three seconds, I was thinking "This is a Preview production". And so it is. And I must say, it's not one I'd share if it wasn't part of an overall more interesting EP. Gene Marshall is professional as ever, but the song, lyrics and arrangement of "You're the One" are all deadly dull.

Download: No Artist Named (Gene Marshall) - You're the One
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The biggest surprise was yet to come. The last track, "Love Me, Baby, Love Me", clearly features Rodd Keith. The lyrics leave a lot to be desired - and thereby leave the song to be only so-so, despite an effective vocal. But the backing track is great! It's a solid soul mover, featuring some great horns, sounding like something that would have been produced in Memphis in 1966. I'm certain I've never heard this track on a Preview 45, and I wish it had been used with material that lived up to its quality.

Download: No Artist Named (Rodd Keith) - Love Me, Baby, Love Me
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"The Suffering of a Serviceman's Wife" and Other Overwrought Titles

I'm back!!! As I've probably written nearly every year, the month of May is about the busiest one there is in my life - particularly the third week of the month, and as a result, I often end up posting less in May. Such is the case this month, with only two postings. But on the other hand, both were of EP's, so there's been a total of eight songs shared, and that's something....

The folks at Halmark certainly received more than their share of portentous, overwrought lyrics. On the AS/PMA website, Phil Milstein made a guess that this might be due to where Halmark tended to advertise - in "Writer's Digest" - perhaps pulling in a far higher number of people who thought of themselves as having great potential as serious authors and lyricists.

Whatever the cause, ridiculous, ponderous and pretentious song titles and lyrics abound on Halmark records. But never have I seen quite the collection of song-titles as came to me on this EP. Making all that much funnier is that all four tracks are attributed to Bob Storm, Halmark's resident over-the-top baritone (heard in my last post, as well), while in fact only one of the songs here seems to be sung by the singer typically labeled as Bob Storm - in fact, two of them have a lead vocal sung by a woman.

First up, the only true Storm vocal and the one with the least over-done title, is "Unapproachable". For that latter reason, it's probably the least interesting of the four songs to me.

Download: Bob Storm - Unapproachable
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Now, le'ts get to those juicy titles, starting with the one reference above. This is yet another Vietnam-related number, titled, yes, "The Suffering of a Serviceman's Wife", sung of course, not by the identified Bob Storm, but a female vocalist. Seems her man's been wounded over there, and she considers him "half a man".

The song is full of such musically flowing phrases as "fighting for something you thought had a good cause" and "I was expecting to see the same smiling face". Certainly there is good material to come out of this situation - and such songs exist. But this author comes off as petulant and irritated that the army gave her a different person than the one who left her - which I guess is to be expected with this title - his own struggles are pretty much a side note until the final line.

Download: Labeled as Bob Storm - The Suffering of a Serviceman's Wife
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Our favorite female Bob Storm is back again for the Broadway-esque 6/8 thang whimsically (and perhaps a bit less ridiculously) titled "Honeymoon on the Moon". In recent years, some of us have discovered that several of these mysterious Halmark backing tracks are actually dead ringers for existing songs' arrangements, including those for "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" and "Gentle On My Mind". I'm guessing this is another one, but can't put my finger on the song.

Anyway, this one works a bit better, to me, than the other three songs here, because it's at least a bit peppy, and the lyrics are actually a fairly decent match for the backing track and singer, although I'm thrown a bit by the female writer mentioning "my pretty bride and me", decades before that was a possibility. Again, not that any of this means I think this is very good, but it's definitely less "bad" than the rest of this EP.

Download: Labeled as Bob Storm: Honeymoon On the Moon
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Finally, there is the uniquely titled "Trench Coat, Umbrella and Boots", sung, again not by the man typically called "Bob Storm", but by the Halmark stalwart usually billed as "Jack Kim" - although this is not the only time his vocals have been identified as Storm, or vice versa. But since Jack Kim had a career under his real name, it's at least known that this "Jack Kim" is a match for the similarly named real singer behind the pseudonym.

Over one of the most stodgy and overused Halmark backing tracks, he sings a pathetic story of a pathetic feeling man, with the requisite un-musical phrases such a title would suggest - I'm particularly fond of "Walkin' in My Teardrops..."

Download: Labeled as Bob Storm - Trench Coat, Umbrella and Boots
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Wishful Thinking on Vietnam

I've commented on the Brosh label before. I've never seen a Brosh release which features material that wasn't either a vanity pressing, or clearly from another song-poem factory - it's quite possible that they didn't do anything "in-house" at all. Similar to Air Records (whose label Brosh sort of resembles), most Brosh releases, including today's EP features singers who are well known to have worked for other production houses, specifically, Bob Storm at Halmark, Sammy Marshall (credited here as Sonny Marcell) at Globe and Cara Stewart with Lee Hudson's operation.

In some cases, records of the same some have been found on the Brosh label and on whatever label the song was originally produced by, sometimes with the latter having noticeably better sound quality. Even when a non-song-poem song shows up on Brosh, there is typically some record of the same material showing up on a different label, as well, and as I mentioned, most of these look like vanity pressings. (I will mention that AS/PMA documents that Brosh released the same songs, with two different label numbers, featuring backing by Floyd Cramer and Chet Atkins, but even those songs are known to have been released by another label, as well.)

What a weird label. I sometimes wonder what the average record collector thinks of a Brosh or Air release, upon listening to the haphazard, clearly unrelated material on one of their EPs or singles.

Today's first offering is definitely one of those with abysmal enough sound that it seems to be mastered directly from another 45. Even the surface noise is noticeably different than that of the song which follows it moments later on the same side of the EP. That's too bad, because "How Many Have Kissed You" is a fairly peppy, countrified Sammy Marshall performance, with some effective guitar picking and a lilting melody. I'd like to hear this from a clean copy.

Download: Sammy Marshall - How Many Have Kissed You
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The title of this post, though, is in reference to song two, "A Cold and Stormy Night", which is by far the most interesting lyric and arrangement here. The song-poets wrote what could have been a fairly harrowing story of a soldier's experience in Vietnam. I say "could have been" because it doesn't really work. First, the lyrics are hackneyed and obvious - exactly what you'd expect the average person on the street to think a soldier's experiences and thoughts would be. Second, the big lyrical build-up ends with a piece of fiction that can best be labeled "wishful thinking", and ruins whatever emotional resonance the earlier lyrics had delivered.

But the biggest mistake here was when the lyricists sent their poetry to Lee Hudson, who set those words to one of his sultry, romantic, Les Paul-esque backings for the equally sultry, echoey and dreamy vocals of Cara Stewart. I can hardly think of a song-poem where the lyrics and the arrangement/singer/performance were more of a mis-match. See what you think:

Download: Cara Stewart: A Cold and Stormy Night
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~~

I don't have nearly as much to say about the tracks on the flip side of the EP. The oddly titled "Drop Me Love" is yet another unctuous performance by Bob Storm, over vapid music, as is so often found on Halmark releases. Come to think of it, Bob Storm and Halmark probably could have given a much more appropriate and performance to "A Cold and Stormy Night" than Lee Hudson and Cara Stewart. Not that I believe it would have been good, you understand, just better matched to the subject and material.

Download: Bob Storm - Drop Me Love
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We end up where we began, with Sammy "Sonny Marcell" Marshall, with another track with terrible sound quality, this time without much, musically speaking, to distinguish it. It's Sammy in sad-sack mode, which he inhabited far too often, as he warbles about being "On Your List of Broken Hearts".

Download: Sammy Marshall - On Your List of Broken Hearts
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Really? REALLY?????

Today's post is really about one song on a four song EP, one awful song that is aggressively ugly in concept and execution. So I'll briefly mention the first, third and fourth tracks on this Halmark masterpiece, and focus on that one song. And then I'll offer up a palate cleanser, a record so ridiculous that it must be heard.

The entire EP is credited to Bob Storm, and that sounds about right based on the vocals here. The first song is "The Higher You Are", set to one of the typically moldy old-style music beds that Halmark recycled with astounding regularly (as well as contempt for their customers).

Download: Bob Storm - The Higher You Are
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Now about that atrocity. It comes up next, and it's called "Old Sambo". I'm mostly going to let you discover the astonishing nature of this lyric for yourself as it plays on your computer, but first, I'm going to wonder - did the folks at Halmark literally have no shame? Was there no lyric that they would reject? When they read the first line of the recitation (yes, it's one of those), didn't anyone suggest that this was beyond the pale? What on earth did the folks who submitted the other three sets of lyrics think, when they played their song, then listened to the rest of the record?

Please remember (or be advised) that the heyday of this label was the early '70's through the late '70's; even though the music here sounds like the record is from the early to mid '50's, it is actually more likely this record came out during Richard Nixon's second administration, or during Gerald Ford's presidency, and it could not have come out before 1967, in any case.

(Addendum: readers far more clever than I am have determined that this record is from 1969. Please see the comments!)

Again, was nothing off limits? Did every single person - even this lyricist, get the come-on responses from Halmark, telling them how wonderful their writing was? Why didn't "Bob Storm" (whoever he really was, not (Bob) storm his way out of the recording studio?

Okay, I've written far too much, again. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... "Old Sambo":

Download: Bob Storm - Old Sambo
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Okay, that's over with. The best thing I can say about "I Can't Think" is that it uses, as it's music bed, my favorite Halmark backing track, the one most memorably used behind "My Hamburger Baby". Not that anything interesting is done with it:

Download: Bob Storm - I Can't Think
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We finish off with another track that features a spoken introduction. The most interesting thing, to me, about "Lisa Maria", is that the title of the song is not featured in the lyrics, as sung - Bob Storm consistently sings about "Lisa Marie", not "Maria":

Download: Bob Storm - Lisa Maria
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Don't miss the bonus track, below the label scan!

As promised, here is a palate cleanser.

I suspect this is actually a vanity recording, but it could be a song-poem, and regardless, there is a lot of overlap here between the two, whichever it is.

It's called "For You". And this is a SPECTACULARLY bad song, with ridiculously simple lyrics, which move quickly into something at least somewhat stalker-esque. I'll assume for the moment that the man credited, Jesse James Hall, is both the writer and the singer here. If not, he's probably the writer, rather than the singer. The label is "Song-makers, Inc. of New York City, and the whole thing smells like a bottom of the barrel production.

Consider these inspired opening lines, the ones that, of course, are meant to catch the listener's ear:

I live for only you, 

Without you I can't live

Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo

I live for only you. 

A short time later, after expressing that he hopes she loves him too, he becomes more insistent:

I'll go on living

As long as you live for me. 

That's a lot to expect from someone, especially if you're currently only hoping she loves you.

As a piece of songwriting, this is a masterpiece of incompetence. And it gets it all done in just 97 seconds.

Download: Jesse James Hall  - For You
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The Hard Sell

I have always tried to avoid posting records which have also been posted on other blogs or elsewhere, but today, I'm making an exception, first because this is such an extraordinary one-sided record (a copy of which I only recently obtained - and I couldn't be more pleased!) and second, because the download at the only other posting is no longer available, due to the same divshare meltdown that too most of my earlier posts. The poster was Darryl Bullock, he of the masterful "World's Worst Records" blog, which is linked, to the right, and the post in question, which you can find here, has far more detail than I could hope to have put together. The post is there, the track is not.

For those who didn't just click on that link, this is a holy grail for lovers of the Halmark label. For here we have the sales pitch, complete with a performance by Bob Storm over what may well be a canned backing track, for the lugubrious product that Ted Rosen at Halmark. The sales pitch is remarkable in its ridiculousness, and goes a long way to explaining how anyone would have been satisfied in the typical overwrought, often unbearably unctuous performances that came out of Halmark - they were submitted by people who thought this record was good.

Download: Bob Storm - In That Mood Again (with Sales Pitch)
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And I really encourage you to read the much more detailed and researched post by Darryl Bullock, linked above.

And hey, look - the owner really loved and played this record - it's got one of those plastic doo-hickeys in it to fit it to the spindle!:

Storming the Chapel

To start, a few responses to comments....

First, thanks to everyone who has been reading and listening - I appreciate your eyes and ears on what I'm sharing here more than I can say. And second, thanks to those who have offered up comments, whether occasionally (or once) or many times.

Thanks for the notification of downloads and play-files which have been corrupted somehow. I have fixed the track about One of Satan's Angels, which you can hear here, and one of the fantastic tracks from the Film-Tone label, "Have Faith in Love", which you can hear here. 

I've had a few people ask about the years in which one or more of the records I've shared may have been made. Aside from a few facts gleaned from The American Song-Poem Music Archives' labels page, in most cases, I just don't know. The same goes for those who ask about details on particular records they've found - those inquiries have mostly been about Rodd Keith records. If I have an answer, I'll post it - and if you link your comment to an e-mail address, I'll answer you by e-mail - but in most cases, again, i just don't know. 

And I really enjoy and appreciate the posted comments which go into some detail regarding the songs posted, similar songs, etc. I don't always have much to add, so I don't always respond, but that doesn't mean they aren't appreciated. And I do know I keep promising to repair the old pages. I really do hope to get to that some time in the next few months. It just seems so daunting...

On to this week's post!

~~

The Chapel Recording Company was part of the same team that brought us the tremendous products of Halmark (aka Hallmark) records. I have no idea if Chapel existed before Halmark or at the same time, but at least some of the time, they used the same decrepit backing tracks that were the hallmark of Halmark. The only other Chapel records I own are acetates, but today, here's an honest to goodness 45, although my preferred side (of the two) sounds worse than many acetates I've heard.

And it's my preferred side because it features everyone's favorite Halmark dude, BOB STORM!!! He's not named on the label, as usual, but it's clearly him. And not only that, it has one of my two favorite Halmark backing tracks - the one most famously used on on "My Hamburger Baby". If you listen closely, I think you can hear some differences between the track, as used here, and as used on "Hamburger", which, if true, would confirm that Halmark owned the multi-track reels for these tracks. To my ears, the final instrumental coda is missing some of the instruments heard on the version used on "Hamburger".

The other remarkable thing about this record, titled "What is Life Without You", is that it is one of the poorest pressings I've ever heard. The surface noise in the opening sections is a mystery - the record is as clean as they come. And the track audibly wobbles. This is not my turntable OR an offcenter pressing - it seems to have come off of the original reel sounding like this. It's truly horrible.

But Bob Storm comes through like a pro, his over-the-top unctuousness never even missing a beat. Enjoy!

Download: No Artist Named: What is Life Without You?
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The flip side features that other label stalwart, Jack Kim (also uncredited), on a tedious (3 1/2 minute long) piece of religious tribute, perfect for those who want to do penitence in Lent, "With Him in Glory"

Download: No Artist Named: With Him in Glory
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A Stormy EP

Before getting to today's song-poem EP, I wanted to announce that I've started another blog! With the demise of WFMU's Beware of the Blog, I wanted to have somewhere to continue posting my reel to reel treasures, oddities and ephemera. So I have begun posting to a site I'm calling "Inches-Per-Second", which you can access through the link you just passed by, while reading this paragraph!

And now, it's time for some Stormy Weather! 

Finding a new (to me) Halmark record is always a potential treat - with the knowledge that it also may turn out to be a stultifying dud. Happily, the first side of this week's EP is anything but a dud, as it features my favorite ridiculously over-the-top baritone, Bob Storm, being ridiculously over the top!

The first song, "The Golden Wedding Ring", actually starts with Storm narrating with a music bed, something I think I've only heard on one or two other song-poem records. Then the song starts, and I actually feel a little twinge of remorse for the writer than they chose the overwrought folks at Halmark, because there are some genuinely affecting moments in the lyrics of this song, about a man losing his wife after many, many years. Someone could have done something decent with this, even if the results still wouldn't have likely been much to my taste. But the generic, tear-jerking background music and Bob Storm's ridiculous performance keep me from being able to take anything about this record seriously in the least. Not that it isn't entertaining - it certainly is! See if you agree:

Download: Bob Storm - The Golden Wedding Ring

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But the real news on this EP, at least for me, comes in the second track on this EP. For quite a while, beginning around 15 or 16 years ago, my very favorite song-poem was "Lady Off Pedestal at Notre Dame", a Bob Storm special (although, oddly, the record credited Jack Kim, another Halmark singer who sounds nothing like Storm. You can find that track within the many song poems posted here.

One of the many great things about "Lady Off Pedestal" is its ridiculous marching band backing track. And unlike virtually every other track used on any Halmark record, the "Pedestal" track did not seem to be reused and recycled endlessly, not heard again and again on multiple tracks. In fact, I've been unaware of even a second release featuring that wondrous backing. Until now.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Bob Storm with "The Wishing Well". A few things are clear from this track: First, Halmark had the multi-tracks for this (and other) backing tracks - there are elements on "Pedestal" which are not heard here. Second, the Dolly-O release of "Pedestal" featured a track at least a few generations removed from the original performance - the backing track here is much cleaner and sparkly.

And all of this before you listen to Bob Storm's energetic, bouncy vocal and the idiosyncratic lyrics. The lyricist thoughts bounce back and forth between expressing ongoing love for his lost sweetheart, and a few hopes of her return, and expressing thoughts such as those in this curious couplet:

Two wrongs don't make a right,

so I'll fix your clock tonight!

Of all the song-poems I've heard for the first time this year, this is probably my favorite so far!

Download: Bob Storm - The Wishing Well

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The flip side of the EP doesn't exactly offer the wonders of the two songs above. First up is Bob Storm in his less throaty mode, on the song "How Lonely is Lonesome?", sounding oddly (to me) more than a bit more like Rodd Keith (on some of Keith's country offerings). This is among the least Halmark-y tracks I can think of from the label, at least to when the chorus and orchestra swell a few times near the end.

Download: Bob Storm - How Lonely is Lonesome?

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Finally, it's back to the sound of Halmark, with one of their most frequently used backing track serving for the setting of "Hello Baby". This one contains one great verse, to wit:

"How's that sun and moon?

I'd like to see you soon.

A city is a city

and a town's a town."

Clearly, this meant something to the lyricist, as it repeated twice, but I'm missing the meaning, even in the context of the other lines.

Download: Bob Storm: Hello Baby

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Blamin' It All on the Nights on Hallmark

Another round of problems with Divshare has resulted in no posts for nearly two weeks. I'll try to get caught up again with a post by Sunday or Monday, but in the meantime, I'm left on a day when I have no time to spend going on about the wonders of Bob Storm (in a less unctuous mood here) or the Halmark (spelled "Hallmark" here) label. I'll just leave it to you to enjoy two of the more ubiquitous backing tracks in the Halmark stable. First, on the song "Night of Love":

Download: Bob Storm - Night of Love
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And then on a song titled "Nobody Told Me", one which features eighth grade level lyrics, and one which is not likely to make anyone forget the superior John Lennon single of the same title:

Download: Bob Storm - Nobody Told Me
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