Blazing Hoofs and Impeachment, Too! - Another Ridiculous Record from Gary Roberts

Hi, everyone, 

Well, I said things might slow down here and they sure enough have. I want to explain that an immediate family member has received a serious diagnosis and has had two surgeries since my last post. Depending on the news coming in the next week or so, I might return to having the same amount of time to post here as in the recent past, or... I might not. I hope you will continue to visit and view, read and listen whenever I do post. 

But I do have something today, a record I pretty much literally JUMPED at the chance to buy on eBay, just based on a awesomely weird titles, and the fact that the songs attached to those titles were such by the ridiculous Gary Roberts. 

"Blazing Hoofs". Okay. I had to look that up, and it appears that, in addition to "Hooves", "Hoofs" is an acceptable plural of "Hoof". Who knew? It still looks goofy to me. And of course, who better to sing a western outlaw ballad than Gary Roberts. I know, almost anyone would be better. After a faux Flamenco guitar introduction, the band settles in to a "Western" gallop which is about as authentic as one might have heard at the time in a skit on a local kiddie TV show. 

The lyrics are a compendium of genre clichés (although I did web search for the phrase "My Pinto's Going Dry" and it literally came up with no hits - an absolutely original, if genuinely stupid, set of four words). The words of the lyrics are manipulated into phrases that just don't work, all for the sake of rhymes. My favorite example, in which a rhyme for "sleep" was needed: 

The girl I left behind / yes the girl who says she's mine

Whom I kissed before I left / began to weep

The whole thing is over in barely two minutes. I found myself wondering what Halmark would have done with this material. 

Download: Gary Roberts - Blazing Hoofs

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Based on Sterling's numbering system, it would appear that his record came out at the end of 1974 or, more likely, in 1975. And that would line up nicely with the title of the flip side, "Impeachment of Love", as well as with the wah-wah sound and beat (such as it is) heard on the track. 

It is, as you might guess, a song of a cheating lover being discovered. We're off to a fun start in the two lines, in which "love" is rhymed with, um, "love". And then, when the protagonist discovers his lover's indiscretion, he appears to have witnessed - "Hiding like a clown" (another line shoehorned in to create a rhyme) - an unusual lover's embrace, to be sure: 

I saw you kissing, embracing and strangled in strangled in strange arms.

Gary gives his all to try to sound outraged, hurt and enraged, but it's just beyond his abilities. Just picture what Gene Marshall, for example, could have done while singing that last verse. 

Download: Gary Roberts - Impeachment of Love

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All in all, money very well spent. 

Gary Roberts: Bluesman Extraordinaire!

 

Those of you unfamiliar with Gary Roberts would do yourselves a favor and peruse this set of posts (which will start with this very post, until I post another Gary Roberts record). You will not be disappointed. You also can't go wrong listening to this classic. 

Those of you who are familiar with the song-poem work of Gary Roberts might have several words to use to describe his performances. I'm guessing that well down below word 100 on that list would be "Bluesman". 

And yet, that's what the bosses at Sterling assigned Gary to become, for the song "Remembering". The results are just as one-fifth assed as you might expect. Only the pianist here sort of seems to understand the genre, and the proceedings made even more delightfully incompetent by a blues harp solo which is shows off just about the equal to Gary's blues chops. (Now, admittedly, the appeal of the blues harp is 100% lost on me, but even as someone who avoids the instrument in that style of usage, I can recognize when it's being used by someone who has no idea how to use it.)

I note with some amusement that this is the very highest record label number found so far on which Gary Roberts' name appears, and that his tenure there lasted barely 100 label numbers (and he was not on all of those releases). I can just imagine - although I have no belief that this actually happened - that after hearing this performance, the folks at Sterling cut their losses and moved on to someone else. 

Download: Gary Roberts - Remembering

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In comparison, the flip side, "You Did Me Wrong", sung by Shelley Stuart, is a solid piece of entertainment. But only in comparison. The lyrics are artless, in the style that song-poets have achieved since the genre came into being ("Why are you doing this the way you are?"), and they read more as a series of prose sentence than as poetry or lyrics. A sense a bit an attempt at proto-disco by the band at the 1:33 point, although the beat is a bit slow for that. Other than that, musically, this is sort of a throwback to Sterling's earlier days, when Shelley Stuart showed up more often, along with Norm Burns, particularly in the use of all that echo. 

This is also the second highest numbered Shelley Stuart release on Sterling which has been found, to this date...

Download: Shelley Stuart - You Did Me Wrong

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Clean Living, with Gary Roberts

You have my solid vow, oh song-poem fans, that any time I come to be in possession of a Gary Roberts record, I will share it with you. His vacuous, artless style remains a fascination to me, and I'll get to the newest acquisition in The Gary Roberts Story (as well as some more cut-up material) in just a moment. 

But first, I want to bring your attention to a previously unknown song-poem label and Rodd Keith release on that label, discovered by my pal Stu, who comments here often, and who frequents various websites dedicated to documenting the world of the 45 RPM record. He has found a posting for a song by one "Ward Lowe" on the Empala label. Both sides are on youtube, but the posting on 45cat.com helpfully has both of those postings embedded in with the rest of the 45's information, and the first one posted, at least, is quite nice. You can find that posting, and those songs, here. Thanks, Stu!

And now, without further ado: 

Both sides of today's Gary Roberts feature were written by the same song-poet, but "Because of You" is by far the stronger of the two. This is a paean to clean living, from someone who apparently partook in just about every drug-related vice, up until today. The best thing is that we get a rundown of all of the temptations he might face, and what he's going to do, instead, now. 

No, I take that back. The best thing might be the peppy, oompah based backing track, featuring the simplest of piano, bass and drums, accompanied by a guitarist who seems to think he's in a different song, one that perhaps is being played in double time. Then, of course, there is Gary's homely vocal, lacking in anything one might call "style" or "polish", as usual. 

Download: Gary Roberts - Because of You

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I cannot, alas, work up the same enthusiasm for the flip side, "Memory Lane". Given that the same song-poet wrote both of these songs, and that they both have the ring of first-person authenticity about them, there's at least a chance that the writer was expressing things from his own life. And if that's the case, it would appear that his newfound sobriety was not enough to keep his gal by his side, based on the lyrics of this song. 

All that said, this is a tedious song and performance. It goes on nearly four minutes, and seems even longer. Unlike Gary's late predecessor, Norm Burns, and others, such as Rodd Keith and Cara Stewart, I get no sense of any connection between Gary's vocals and the meaning of what he's singing. I sort of doubt that improvement in that area would help in a song as bland as this, but it couldn't hurt, and it just isn't there. 

Download: Gary Roberts - Memory Lane

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~~~

And now for my cut-up of the week. 

This time around, it's not exactly a cut-up, but rather a deliberate butchering and reworking. And therein lies a short story. 

When I was little, my parents were wise enough to buy me (and my brother - six years older), the complete set of Science related albums, titled "Ballads for the Age of Science", which had been released in 1959, and features such performers as Marais and Miranda and Tom Glazer, among others. 

These albums are pretty darn wonderful, but just about completely forgotten today. If you are familiar with this collection at all, it may be because of a thoroughly unnecessary cover version of "Why Does the Sun Shine" (originally done by Tom Glazer) by They Might Be Giants (my advice - go listen to the original). 

Anyway, there were two tracks I was particularly fond of, one from an album of Experiment Songs by Dorothy Collins, which was about rainbows, and one by Tom Glazer from an album of Weather Songs, titled "What is Climate". Like many, if not most of the tracks on these albums, there is both a spoken section and a song. I'm only concerned with the spoken section today. Here is a link to that track, which you'll want to hear before I share anything else. 

My brother and I discovered that, if we played with the needle while this track was playing, pulling it back across the grooves (and damaging the record in the process) we could make Tom Glazer say: 

"What causes a desert climate? Hot Dry Air! What causes the Hot Dry Air? Hot Dry Air! What causes the Hot Dry Air? Hot Dry Air! What causes the Hot Dry Air? Hot Dry Air!"

ad infinitum. Great fun. 

When I was frequently doing cut-ups, back in the '80's, I thought I'd recreate this moment, and play with the track some more. I made this little bit (using my beat up version of the album): 

Download: Hot Dry Air (cut-up)

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Then, over last Christmas break, I decided to spend some time doing something I'd had it in mind to do for at least ten years. That is, make a version of this material with a dance beat, again playing around with the spoken word section (this time taken from the pristine version of the track found online). The result, while not quite a "cut-up" as I've been defining them is, I hope quite enjoyable: 

Download: Tom Glazer - What is Climate? (rearranged by Bob)

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Gary in the Country

Howdy, 

Time is short this week, so I won't have a lot to say, but I did make the effort to repair yet another month's worth of posts. So this week, you can again enjoy those posts I originally shared in May of 2013, including: A Caveman Records release featuring both Cara Stewart and Sammy Marshall, a Norm Burns number with some pretty funny lyrics and offbeat performance (for Norm, anyway), a Gene Marshall single, and a fairly awful Frank Perry tribute to Mother, on her Day. 

And in our continuing series of song-poem ads, provided by Brian Kramp, here is a most basic and simple one, perhaps an ad that was for a single provider of the service, rather than a company: 

And now:

When is it NOT the right time for Gary Roberts? Not today, because today is a perfect time for Gary and his vocal chords. For today's first song, "Right From Their Land", I actually find that he offers up a stronger performance than on many of his "I'm-Seeing-This-For-The First-Time", deer in the headlights performances.

The song is about the people who worked the land and sang about their lives and enjoyed sometimes difficult but always rewarding lives while creating traditional American Country Music. Unfortunately, the backing sounds nothing like either what passed for Country Music in the mid 1970's (when this record was undoubtedly made), or in the early days of the Carter Family, etc., to which it refers.

Gary tries to add a bit of twang to the vocal, but the backing is the generic latter-day Sterling, which is not a terrible sound, but has nothing to do with what he's singing.

Download: Gary Roberts - Right From Their Land
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On the flip side, we have "My Texas Queen", a story of love found, kept and treasured. The author is clearly expressing deeply held feelings (even if they expressed in a fairly ham-fisted way), and Gary and the backing group do nothing to ruin it, while not really doing anything special with it, either. Just another middling song-poem.

Oddly enough, there is more country styling - at least in the piano part - than anywhere in the song about old-timey country music on the flip side.

Download: Gary Roberts - My Texas Queen
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The Return of Gary Roberts

First, I have - as promised - gone back and updated yet another month's worth of previously damaged posts, in this case, the month of August, 2014, which featured three posts: an odd late-era Film City release sung by Jim Wheeler, three quarters of an Air EP (the missing song explained in the notes), and a sort of wonderful 1950's Tin Pan Alley number. 

With that out of the way, here's what this week's record looks like: 

One of my intentions at this site is to document virtually every Gary Roberts record that I come across. Not because he was a great singer - based on the evidence, he wasn't even a good singer. Not because his records stand out as song-poems - but rather, just the opposite. They are, with a couple of exceptions, utterly prosaic. Gary Roberts and the majority of his releases are exactly what I would describe as the average song-poems: badly written lyrics, corny, unimaginative music and barely competent (if that) singing.

Plus, it's worth noting that, for song-poem fans who discovered the genre during a certain era, Gary Roberts' voice was the first one they ever heard singing a song-poem. His rendition of the utterly amazing "Do You Know the Difference Between Big Wood and Brush" led off the first vinyl reissue of song-poems, and the subsequent first CD re-issue of song-poems, back in the '90's, and I have it on good authority that "Big Wood and Brush" was the single most popular song-poem among those who discovered the genre via those re-issues, back in the 1990's and early 2000's.

For both of those reasons - the fame of his biggest "hit" and the utterly stereotypical-ness of his oeuvre, I want to spread the joy of a Gary Roberts record whenever I find one. And it's been over a year and a half.

Today's song is "Gold and Silver", a record that fits everything I just said about this artist and his work at the Sterling label. An added minus is the truly awful sound of the pressing. "Gold and Silver" shows precious (heh) little creativity in any area, and features just enough poorly phrased lines and badly structured music to keep things mildly interesting.

Download: Gary Roberts - Gold and Silver
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An appropriately loping beat introduces the flip side, "Cowboy's Song of Oregon". The lyricist has had enough of those New York rodeos (?), and will resume the Cowboy life as practiced in Oregon. Is it my imagination or does this side seem to be slowing down, to the point where one expects it to stop any time, on a couple of different occasions?

Download: Gary Roberts - Cowboy's Song of Oregon
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"I'm As Good As You Think You Are..."

Howdy, everyone, 

I first want to thank Sammy Reed for calling my attention to the fact that sometimes, if you click on comments, or post a comment or next page, a spam ad is popping up in a new screen. I was unaware of this, and it seems to be a new problem. I tried three browsers, and it only happened to me when using Internet Explorer. 

I apologize for this, but don't know what has changed or how to fix it. If anyone has a suggestion, I'll be happy to hear it and try it. 

And now....

Can it really be four years (almost to the week!) since I've featured Gary Roberts. I guess it's because I just don't have that many of his records, because those I do have are almost uniformly ridiculous (in myriad ways) to be featured here.

Today we have a poem praising the idea of brotherhood, and suggesting the practice of believe in brotherhood far and wide. The song-poet makes a few key errors in writing a song about brotherhood, starting with the use of snark - as in the line quoted at the top of this post "I"m as good as you think you are" - which is not likely to encourage an outpouring of understanding. That pales in comparison, however, with the big payoff to the chorus, where it becomes clear that we should also treat each others as brothers and as equal, as long as everyone involved is.... Christian. That strikes me as a wee bit hypocritical.

Download: Gary Roberts - Brotherhood
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For the flip side, the awkwardly titled "It's Because I Love Just You", the folks at Sterling made a perfect choice. Since the lyrics are so derivative and unimaginative, why not pair them with an unoriginal setting. Hence, they took the chords, tempo and nearly the melody from "Gentle On My Mind" for the first half of each verse, and then changed the rest, perhaps hoping not to get sued.

Download: Gary Roberts - It's Because I Love Just You
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NOT What He Had in Mind!

Given the title of this record, and the current hype here in the U.S. over all things basketball, I felt a strong pull to name this post after a catchphrase frequently uttered by sportscaster Marv Alpert. It seems appropriate.

However, I was also tempted to name this post "Thank God for Gary Roberts" or "The Inimitable Gary Roberts". For every time I get to hear a Gary Roberts record, I feel that, in a way, my day is complete, but in another way, I feel cheated - there are so FEW of them! Why can't there be as many Gary Roberts records as there are Mike Thomas records.

For as many of you know, Gary Roberts was singularly unable to look at a piece of music and sight-read it effectively, while simultaneously sounding like he knows the song AND sounding like he's the least bit involved with what he's singing - all of which are key talents for a song-poem vocalist. He is, in a sense, the anti-Gene Marshall. His greatest moment has to be "Do You Know the Difference Between Big Wood and Brush" (I'd throw a few votes towards "Keep Those Hopes Us" for second place). But today's feature is no slouch either.

Part of the credit goes to the fairly awful lyrical content here. Really, who'd want to have this set of words directed towards him or her. It certainly sounds like the writer plans on staying with the beloved to whom the words are directed, but those words are largely ones of complaint and dismissiveness, aren't they? And don't phrases like "a challenging disappointment" just slip freely over this midtempo shuffle beat?

But just wait - this may be the most obnoxious set of song-poem lyrics (or any other lyrics) you've heard in some time:

I know I am the kind of man

that I good woman wants and needs,

and feels obligated to,

And knows, in return,

I can understand her shortcomings,

and say "I love you".

But you're not who I had in mind.

It's hard to make those words worse than they are, but Gary Roberts' hesitating, soulless and flat delivery do the job.

Download: Gary Roberts and the Satellites - You're Not Who I Had in Mind
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The flip side, "The Old Good Book", is little more than a schoolmarm-ish lecture set to music, although I do wonder what "My tender God care" means - perhaps I'm hearing that wrong.

Gary's reading of this song again convinces me that the studio could hardly have done worse if they'd pulled in the first person walking by outside and asked him or her to sing.

Download: Gary Roberts and the Satellites - The Old Good Book
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Happy CUBS Season, Everyone!!!

He Never Wins

Don't let the slinky piano opening figure fool you - it's not going to be some slinky, sexy, mysterious record, although the band seems to think this was a possibility. And the words to the song ("But I Never Win") here and there, suggest what might have been (although other lines are true clunkers). But then, the folks at Sterling assigned the track to the style-challenged Gary Roberts, and we end up with a quintessential song-poem record. 

Download: Gary Roberts - But I Never Win

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Ponderous is the word for the flip side, "Man on the Moon", handled by Shelly Stuart, who has not been featured on this site before. She did some good records for Sterling, although this isn't one of them. The song posits that the space program, and the landing on the moon, were the handiwork of God, rather than NASA, which seems to me quite a shortchanging of the scientists, astronauts and others who managed to achieve what they did in so short a time. We'll dedicate this to the Shuttle program, which ended earlier this summer.

Download: Shelley Stuart - Man on the Moon

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Flag Day

There's never a bad time to share a little Gary Roberts. His toneless, amateur sounding vocal style is in a way a microcosm of the entire song-poem experience - indeed, I imagine many song-poets were considerably better singers than Mr. Roberts, and yet he's the one who got to sing their songs. I only wish there were more Gary Roberts records floating around. But if another reason was needed, one is handy: Tuesday is Flag Day. And here's Gary offering up a rather flaccid tribute, "Our Flag": 

Download: Gary Roberts - Our Flag

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While you're enjoying this flip side, please know that next week's Father's Day feature will include a new find from my collection that I consider quite special. And now, here's the exciting flip side, "It's Nice to Be in Love":

Download: Gary Roberts - It's So Nice to Be in Love

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Lonesome Al

Way back in 2001, when the release of the various song-poem CD's had still be fairly recent, songs were being posted to the ASPMA website on a regular basis, and more CD's were but a few years away, I asked one of the main guys behind those releases if he knew what the most popular song, out of all of those which had been released. He didn't hesitate for a moment; it was not a close call. The answer was "Do You Know the Difference Between Big Wood and Brush", by Gary Roberts. Indeed, the "greatest hits" compilation would later be named after this song. With that in mind, I was surprised to realize that I've never featured a Gary Roberts song here. I guess it's not that unexpected - compared with many of the other song-poem stalwarts, he didn't make all that many records, and I have only a relative few of those. On the other hand, the percentage of his records that score high on the weirdness scale is remarkable. Here's a good one that might just make your mouth drop open. How could it not be special with a title like "Lonesome Al Down on the Farm". 

Download: Gary Roberts - Lonesome Al Down on the Farm

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On the other side is the equally amazing "I Am a Six Wheel Man". The words come fast and furious here, and maybe it's just me, but I've listened to this several times without quite being able to follow the convoluted storytelling. The end of the story, in particular, seems grafted on and completely out-of-left-field. 

Download: Gary Roberts - I Am a Six Wheel Man

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