Minor Lance

Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um.....

With any luck, I think my hacking experience has been successfully addressed, but up until last night I still had to jump through hoops to put this together, so I have very little to say about today's offering, in order to get it out today and not have a one-post month. 

For a brief period in the mid 1960's, Tin Pan Alley utilized the dubious talents of a singer they only identified as "Lance", usually just like that, in quotes. If you click on the Lance label below you can hear all of the "Lance" songs I've shared (along with the songs by Lance Hill - a different singer - that I've shared).  

"Lance"'s extremely limited vocal talents are on full display on both of today's songs - his inability to accurately hit the correct pitch on more than a quarter of the notes sung is a wonder to behold. A random person off the street might well have done better. 

Each of these songs feature the sort of cookie cutter lyrics that make so many song-poems sound like so many other song-poems. But "Let Me Hold You To My Heart", at the very least, features the drummer's interesting choice of imitating a freight train in the last few seconds. 

Download: "Lance" - Let Me Hold You To My Heart

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The flip side, "Lullaby of Love", starts with what sounds like a misreading: 

"I used to often wonder why.... how strange.... things were to me"

That just incompetent on every level. From there on, the song actually has very sweet, , if deeply formulaic, lyrics. There's only so much to do with such a poem, but TPA did it no favors with the barely present musical backing and a singer who shouldn't be in the same zip code as this style. 

Download: "Lance" - Lullaby of Love

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A Rival For Paul McCartney?

Right off the bat, here is yet another ad - or in this case a series of ads - that my pal Vinnie shared with me, for me to share with you. A couple of these seven ads are not for song-poems, but presumably they all came from the same page (and strip) from a magazine or paper. There's a lot to investigate here, and i wonder how the budding song-poet decided which company to choose. 

And now! It was just a short three and a half months ago that I wrote these excited words about a record I had obtained: 

If I have a chance to pick up a Tin Pan Alley single from the late 1950's through the 1960's, I'm going to go for it, if the price is right. It's one of my favorite labels. But if that record shows a label number in the 390s threw the 400s, I'm downright giddy at the chance, and may spend a bit more than I would have otherwise. 

Because for that short period - however long it took to get through those 20 or so releases - the label sometimes (but not always) used a bass player who seemingly had no knowledge of the instrument and barely a sense of rhythm. I've shared several of these records before, most notably, but not limited to, "The Proon Doon Walk" and "Snow Man"

 Well, amazingly, and very happily, I have found YET ANOTHER ONE: 

There simply cannot be an endless supply of these records. They all occur between about number 390 and number 410, and not every record in that sequence has this bad bass player present. So every one found is a treasure, even one, such as this one, where are man on double bass plays less of a role, and is less obnoxiously incompetent, as son some of the others. 

The singer, as is the case on most of those non-ace-of-bass" singles, is Bob Gerard, singing the song "Sparkle With Dew" for us. The fact that a guitarist is playing big fat rhythm chords buries the many, many missed bass notes on this record, more so than other tracks in this series. Additionally, the rhythm of the song doesn't really lend itself to the Boommmm-ba-Boommm rhythm that not-the-second-coming -of-Charles-Mingus preferred. But it's still a worthy listen for its amusing half-assed-ness 

Download: Bob Gerard - Sparkle With Dew

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The bass player has even less to do on the martial number on the flip side, "For Our Country", but he still manages to land on the wrong note on virtually every downbeat. This is one of those records thanking the Lord for the land he granted "us", with nary a mention of the millions of people who were already, you know, using it. 

Download: Bob Gerard - For Our Country

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Uggy Pugs I Have Done

I wonder if Phil Celia came to Tin Pan Alley thinking of himself as a serious vocalist, capable of great singing and hoping to be given wonderful things to perform. If that was the case, he must have been sorely disappointed, given that he ended up singing such classics as "Moaning and Groaning Twist", "I'm Sorry I Put On Charlie's Shoes", "It Butch the Rough Barber Man Shaves Castro", "A Fat Man in a Compact Car", "Tin Cans, Tin Cans, Tin Cans", "You Made a Boo Boo, Lula", and of course, "Keep On Smiling! Pay Your Taxes!", nearly all of which can be found on this site by plugging them into the box at above left (or just clicking on the Phil Celia tag below this post). I think only one or two of them got posted to the now defunct WFMU blog, rather than this site. 

Poor Phil. He landed at Tin Pan Alley during one of those periods when they seemed to have been attracting lunkheads who thought they were funny, or at best, people who wanted to have something goofy recorded for them. Today, Phil is "Doin' the Uggy Pug"

Like a lot of Phil's records from this era, this song is set to the backing of a three piece jazz combo. The lyrics describe a dance style unlike any you've ever heard, with mixture of things people don't generally (or ever) do while dancing ("He hunches over with a razzle bristle back" "he slithers like a python") and phrases that are not explained, but seem to be dance moves ("She gives the cat's meow" "<she acts> like a cat upon a track" - huh?). I'm also not aware of eagles listening to music as the fly away. 

Looking over that list, one thing that pops out at me is that the brain-trust at Tin Pan Alley usually actually did a good job, and sometimes an excellent job, of tying music styles and arrangements to the goofy words they had received. That wasn't so often true of other labels. 

Download: Phil Celia - Doin' the Uggy Pug

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The flip side is named "Orbit Rhythm", and this is apparently another dance move song, although there are far fewer directions at how to do the "Orbit" than there were for doing the "Uggy Pug". The drummer is doing some fun stuff with his sticks and the pianist on these records is never less than steady and professional, but I don't get much from this one. 

Download: Phil Celia - Orbit Rhythm

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The Bass Player... Yes, THAT Bass Player.... from Tin Pan Alley... is BACK!!!!

If I have a chance to pick up a Tin Pan Alley single from the late 1950's through the 1960's, I'm going to go for it, if the price is right. It's one of my favorite labels. But if that record shows a label number in the 390s threw the 400s, I'm downright giddy at the chance, and may spend a bit more than I would have otherwise. 

Because for that short period - however long it took to get through those 20 or so releases - the label sometimes (but not always) used a bass player who seemingly had no knowledge of the instrument and barely a sense of rhythm. I've shared several of these records before, most notably, but not limited to, "The Proon Doon Walk" and "Snow Man"

Well, I've got another one for you, this time featuring the stylings of Cathy Mills, who shouldn't have been let within a country mile of slow song, a torch song, or a song that was both. Yet, that's what we have here, with the clunkily named "Because We Both Belong to Someone Else"

As overmatched as she is by the style, she is again shown up by the bass player, who largely hits notes at random. Unlike those other records, though there are places where the bass part requires the hapless performer to provide some rhythm runs, and the results are spectacularly incompetent, my favorite  of these occurring from 0:40 to 0:46, before he returns to largely playing the two back-and-forth notes, neither of which are on the scales of the chord changes the song uses. 

Download: Cathy Mills - Because We Both Belong to Someone Else

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On the other side is "Would You Darling?", and I must admit I have a soft spot for these spare, "rhumba-but-only-the-rhythm-section-and-no-full-band" records that TPA was doing from time to time during this period. The band perks along nicely - it's worth noting that there is NO bass player on this side - maybe even the rest of the band couldn't stomach the way the bass player was impacting their groove and told him to lay out. 

Cathy Mills is much more suited for this number, the melody is memorable and it doesn't wear out its welcome in its 104 seconds. But I'm a sucker from pre-1960's Latin rhythms (and not at all a fan of what's come since, by the way), so your mileage may vary. 

Download: Cathy Mills - Would You Darling?

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This Record Goes Round and Round

It's been a bit of a crazy month, and I've only just barely gotten two posts out, for the first time since last June. And I'm still crazy busy so I won't have a lot to say. 

BUT, I do want to think a new reader/listener/commenter who goes by the absolutely delightful posting name of "Asphalt-Type Person", who has been methodically going through a lot of my posts - primarily older ones, including from the pre-Song-Poem days - and commenting like crazy. I count 22 comments from this person since the first one, just four days ago! The posts have been very idiosyncratic and tons of fun. Well, Mr. or Ms. Person, I'm not sure you'll see this, as you were most recently looking at 2011 posts, but I'm glad you found me, and I'm glad you're enjoying the show. 

~~

Today's feature stars Cathy Mills, one of a few female vocalists who showed up on Tin Pan Alley in the mid 1960's. You could be forgiven for thinking that you were about to hear a rendition of "Twist and Shout" during the first ten seconds of this record, But no, "Everything Goes Round and Round" immediately turns into a midtempo number with a bit of a Latin beat. The song has a philosophical lyric about doing what's right and thanks God for making things spin and keeping them spinning. The guitarist clearly has an idea of what he wants to play - something perhaps approaching the solo Jimmy Page played on ":Sunshine Superman" - but his desire had a greater reach than did his talent. The note at 1:22 is particularly special. All that said, it's a peppy number and I enjoy her nearly artless vocal here and the general groove of the band. 

Download: Cathy Mills - Everything Goes Round and Round

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The flip side is a dirge titled "You Said Hello", which has nothing whatsoever to recommend it, at least not to these ears. 

Download: Cathy Mills - You Said Hello

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The Night is Almost Over, and The Year is Almost Over, Too

Happy New Year's Eve! 2026 can't get here quickly enough. Let's hope it's a damn sight better than 2025. As John Lennon once sang, "Can't Get No Worse". 

And speaking of things that are almost over: 

I don't know what was going on at the Tin Pan Alley label around 1969 and 1970, but for a short time, they chose to employ a couple of truly awful sopranos on a handful of releases. Just over a month ago, I wrote my latest post to feature Eleanor Shaw, who made at least a dozen records for the label in quick succession, and whose performances often have to be heard to be believed, and now, for the second time, I am featuring Madelyn Buzzard, who may have made only three or four records for the label. 

I featured her in a Christmas post at the now offline WFMU blog in 2012, and in a follow up post on this blog exactly 13 years ago today (and that one - Chicken House Blues - should be heard immediately by anyone who hasn't already heard it)

(Incidentally, someone with the very unusual name of "Madelyn Buzzard" had a small role in a tiny-budgeted horror film in 1973, titled "Three on a Meathook". I'm guessing that was the same person. Maybe she sang this way because she was dangling from a meathook.)

So anyway, today we have Madelyn warbling - and that is the right word - about how "The Night is Almost Over". The band is providing a pretty credible supper-club samba arrangement - the solo is sort of rote, but effective enough - but Madelyn fails to hold up her end of the bargain. 

And is that actually an encouraging "Yeah!" from a band member at the 2:20 point. Could it be? Someone in this combo actually thought this performance was good? 

Download: Madelyn Buzzard - The Night is Almost Over

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On the flip side, we have "Because of You". Somewhere between the recording of these sides, the bass went out of tune and this was not corrected. It's not as bad as the bass as heard on those ridiculous Bob Gerard records, but it's bad enough to be extremely distracting. And the oompah beat of this one doesn't do Madelyn any favors (as was the case with the nice groove on the flip) by distracting from her vocals, or the places where she lands on the wrong note. 

Download: Madelyn Buzzard - Because of You

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Give the Drummer Some!

 

I don't have a lot to say about today's offering, particularly not the first of the two I'm sharing. The singer is Eleanor Shaw, who we last heard doing the utterly ridiculous "Ohoo Made a Sing Out of Sex". For this song, "Fountain of Hope", I have listened a few times, and I really don't know - or much care - what she's singing about, not only because it's sounds pretty vapid, but more so because as the song goes on the drummer is killing it. The guitarist has some nice moments, too. This is the same basic minimalist lineup that appeared on Tin Pan Alley for over a decade, but they rarely sounded this good. And for song poem drumming, I usually only expect to hear playing like this on 1960's Preview releases. 

Download: Eleanor Shaw: Fountain of Hope

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The flip side is "A Soldier Dies", and I liked this less and less as it went on. First, Eleanor Shaw does not appear to be the right singer for this type of material. But more than that, the gung-ho view of Vietnam soldiers - even at the time of this release (1969 or 1970), but certainly in retrospect - doesn't sit well with me. I daresay at least a good portion of soldiers who found themselves mortally wounded at that point in the war did not consider themselves willingly doing a job "they had to do" or that their deaths allowed others to be free. And when, in the end, the song-poet ties the soldier's death into the hymn "Onward Christian Soldiers", that was way too much for me. 

Download: Eleanor Shaw: A Soldier Dies

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Square Dancing With the Navajos

Hoo-boy do I have a backlog of comments and such to get to. 

Someone named Shane commented - while offering up some very nice words about my site - that he is trying to start up a song-poem page on Facebook. I am not really on Facebook, but I did try to find it, without success. Please write back if you have a page, Shane, and I will link to it. 

In mid-September, someone asked about a specific Noval song-poem called "Lonesome Cowgirl Blues," lyrics by Barbara Sylvester. Unfortunately, I would have to say that Noval is the single most mysterious label in the song-poem universe, and I've never heard anything about the label that has unraveled that mystery. I'd like to hear it though. I have a backup email address that is my first and last name, no spaces at Gmail, if you (or anyone) wants to send me song-poems. 

For another anonymous poster, I am diligently trying to get and answer regarding whether Rodd Keith played saxophone - efforts are being made to ask those who might know, on my (and your) behalf. 

Sammy Reed offered a link after I shared Gene Marshall singing about a nurse. His link was to a YouTube posting of another nurse song from the same vocalist, which is heard here.  

Apesville responded to my most recent previous post, agreeing with my about the timeframe on the record's release, despite the numbering system which would appear to indicate otherwise. He also linked to his Arco label website which is here, and which names some records not listed in the AS/PMA site for the label.

My best pal Stu pointed out that the songs on that most recent post, sung by "The Reputations" would have been considerably better if their labelmate at Globe, Sammy Marshall, had been assigned to sing them. I agree completely.

In more important news from Sammy Reed, though, he has found another one of those insane Bob Gerard Records - one of seemingly a dozen or so, perhaps all made the same day, where apparently no one present knew how to play a bass, so they had someone play the same three notes, in the same rhythm, on nearly ALL of them. These are nearly uniformly terrible records, in the most entertaining way possible (although "Snow Man" and especially "The Proon Doon Walk" are far more ridiculous AND far more entertaining). The songs Sammy posted are of the same quality, with that three note pattern recurring throughout the first side and, as a bonus, an absolutely incompetent guitar solo, too. 

Whew - that's a lot. Thanks so very much to everyone who writes in, and I'm sorry if I missed anyone. 

~~

It's Indigenous People's Day, and what better time than that for the following record: 

I feared that "The Navajo Reservation", warbled by Tin Pan Alley's Mike Thomas, would be one obnoxious misrepresentation after another, if not downright racist. My review of the lyrics does not really confirm the presence of those problems, although it is rife with stereotypical (if not truly inaccurate) descriptions. 

Actually much of the lyric is about the physical beauty of the land, and the biggest flaw of the song (aside from its gormless arrangement and performance), is the attempt to squeeze in such downright unmusical phrases "ceremonial clothes" and "turquoise jewelry". 

But my biggest grin came from the reference to the Navajos participating in a "Square Dance" as well as another dance whose name I cannot make out - all the spelling I tried failed to find any references. I did find that some tribes - Eastern, primarily, which makes sense - probably did contribute to the styles involved in square dancing, but only added to an existing dance form. The Navajos do not appear to have played a role in this development. I have a close relative of Native heritage and have been to many Native events, festivals and performances and have never seen anything called a "Square Dance". 

Perhaps the song-poet wrote "Squaw Dance", which IS a Navajo tradition, and Mike Thomas pronounced it wrong. 

My favorite Native American song-poem (or it may be song-poem adjacent) remains "Navajo" by Anne and Bill Calhoun, which I shared over 13 years ago, in this post. 

Sing it, Mike!

Download: Mike Thomas - The Navajo Reservation

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The flip side of this record "Right Way", poses a conundrum it never answers. What, exactly, IS the right way. I've listened to this record three times, and while Mike offers up some versions of what the wrong way is, he never tells us what the right way is. Maybe it's supposed to be self-evident, like these truths. 

Download: Mike Thomas - Right Way

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His Body Don't Rest Easy

I prepared this post about five days ago, and then didn't post it. I didn't realize it until this morning. Sheesh. 

I had the following question from an anonymous poster regarding the Tin Pan Alley label: 

Was the Tin Pan Alley label exclusively a song poem label 

or did they also do vanity press records and bootleg reissues?

Thanks for an interesting question! Any answer I would give would rely heavily on the piece about TPA that Phil Milstein wrote more than 25 years ago at the AS/PMA website, which you can find here. 

In a bit of a summary, TPA certainly started off with more a "legit" feel than the other labels, using established groups and behind the scenes musicians who would go on to bigger and better things, and charged much more than the other labels, while turning out material several levels more "legit" sounding than many of their peers in the early to mid 1950's, but soon enough (certainly by around 1958), they dumbed things down, simplified their work and started turning out many of the weird records I've featured here. The label seems to have started with record 100 - by early in the 200 series, the silliness had already set in.  

A few of their pre-downgrade records (from the 100 series) fetch hundreds of dollars. This has definitely led to repro and bootlegs of those specific releases (I just sold one of those repros on eBay - even the repros are collectable!), but I have no information indicating that TPA re-released those themselves. I suspect the repro game became hot well after TPA ceased to exist. But this is little more the speculation on my part. 

I have not personally seen anything on TPA that is clearly a vanity release (i.e. written by the same person who is performing the song, which was frequently the case at another 1950's label, Fable). TPA tended to have a couple of singers in their stable at a time, and nearly everything during... whatever period you are looking at... .features those same singers again and again, rather than some outlier singing his or her own material. 

There is, however, one exception on that TPA discography website, one which is sung by the writer of the song, and one which has a completely different numbering system than the rest of the documented releases: 

PA 1101: Elmer S. Galloway -- Your Voice Is Like A Song / Take A Cup Of Kindness (both wr. Elmer S. Galloway)

So there's that!

And speaking of Tin Pan Alley: 

If anyone represents the idea that TPA stuck with the same singer(s) at length, it's Mike Thomas. Obviously, the song-poem website is mothballed, and having been updated in some 20 years, but for those records captured on the TPA page of that website, Mike Thomas' run of releases starts at # 538 (and I recently discovered he did a few, before that, under what I assume is his real name, Mike Yantorno), and then proceeds to be the named artist on every single then-identified TPA release until # 914. And at that point, a group called "The Melodiers" take over the next several releases. The lead singer of "The Melodiers" being, quite obviously, Mike Thomas. 

Anyway, here's Mike Thomas and the small, energetic TPA combo, with a song called "My Body Don't Rest Easy". I really enjoy the energy on some of these upbeat performances by this admittedly limited, but very peppy group. 

Download: Mike Thomas - My Body Don't Rest Easy

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The first thing I have to say about "The Flowers Came to Late" is that the band should have stopped and started over again after the guitarist got his instrument in tune. Aside from that, as in general, these guys are less interesting in mid-tempo numbers (especially when the song-poetry starts to get recited as it does here). I still enjoy the interplay of the organ and guitar here, in spots, especially on those lovely 7th chords transitioning the melody into another section, as well as the little solo at the end. And at this speed, they were still better than they were on the dirges that they sometimes had to perform. 

Download: Mike Thomas - The Flowers Came Too Late

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Rocket To the Moon

As I alluded to in my last post, I have precious little time right now, so I will not have much to say. I do want to share a vintage song-poem ad sent to me by longtime reader/listener/commenter Tommy. Here it is: 

Thanks, Tommy!

~~

Today we have the always entertaining and barely competent Billy Grey, on the Tin Pan Alley label. The song is "Rocket to the Moon", the conceit here being that, apparently, going into outer space is the latest move to make when one is pursuing romance (?). My favorite line, a complete non-sequitur, is "Let's Not Be Different" - I can't figure out what that means, in OR out of context. 

Download: Billy Grey - Rocket to the Moon

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On the flip side, with virtually the same tempo and feel, is the sad lyric of a man who has learned his gal is moving on. He is nice enough to tell her "you're free to go", which is mighty sporty, but he'd really like her to stay, even redundantly saying "Please darling, please change your mind". 

Actually, the best things about this track, by far, are the guitarist and drummer, who are clearly in a better record than the singer, particular in the last 20 seconds, when the drummer, in particular, seems to think he's playing with a hard rock band. 

Download: Billy Grey - Darling, Please Change Your Mind

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A Mike By Any Other Name Would Sing Just As Poorly

Hello! 

First, I want to acknowledge a comment from a poster on my previous post, a Hal(l)mark release that you can find here. That poster wrote that the record was a Rite pressing from 1964. Now, I know nothing about Rite pressings (or any others), how they are determined, etc. And honestly, I don't want to know how this sort of thing is determined - it's enough for me to be told what someone else figured out. 

The reason I mention this here is that the Halmark (or Hallmark) label has been documented to have begun operations in 1967. If this 1964 date is correct, it is a significant new understanding (well, for me anyway) about this label. I have always guessed that the "Hallmark" version of the label was the first one, and have further guessed that a lawsuit from that other "Hallmark" resulted in the permanent loss of one "L" from the label, so this one is probably among their earlier releases. If that poster (or someone else) can confirm 1964, I'd be much interested. 

And now for a voice frequent visitors will know, but not by this name. 

Before getting to this week's songs, I want to acknowledge that my pal Darryl Bullock got to this record first, and shared one side of it on his "World's Worst Records" blog more than a dozen years ago. However, that post's offerings are now dead links, so I thought I'd make it - both sides of it - available. The post in question, though, is well worth reading, being that it contains the memories of a niece of Tin Pan Alley chief Jack Covais. You can read it here. 

And I was excited to get this record, anyway. Not only is their scrawling on one side of the label, written by the song-poet, but it also promised to offer a taste of a previously unknown (to me) Tin Pan Alley warbler, one Mike Yantorno. 

However, one listen to Mr. Yantorno convinced me - surely this is Mike Thomas under another name. And... I'm guessing that's his real name. Perhaps his full name is Michael Thomas Yantorno. I dunno. But that's certainly the same singer who made dozens of half-assed vocal performances for Tin Pan Alley during the mid to mid/late period. A glance at the label numbers does everything short of confirms this - the two documented "Mike Yantorno" records come in sequence immediately before the first known Mike Thomas record - literally no more than three (known) releases before Mike Thomas shows up. 

So, I hear you clambering to know - are the the songs / performances any good? 

NO!!!!

Of course not. "A Beggar's Life" is an Oompah song without the Oompah tuba or bass, but with some less than stellar attempts to stay on the beat. Lyrically, it features the complaint of a man of the street, featuring the requisite mean policeman, the request for money for a drink, repeated verses and second grade level rhymes. Sing it, Mike!

Download: Mike Yantorno - A Beggar's Life

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Aside from the unknown (now known) singer, it was the title of the flip side of this record that drew me to it. What the hell does "I Tried, John (Joan)" mean? Unfortunately, the lyrics of the actual song don't give us a clue, as they are entirely directed at Joan. My guess is that the song-poet meant for the song to be sung by either a man or woman, with the singer deciding who he or she was singing it for. But it's weird to put it on the label like that, isn't it? 

The actual song and performance - dreary and draggy, with our Mike doing his version of the Bob Dylan imitation that popped up on seemingly every tenth record released in 1966. The last word of the song sort of gets buried in the music, but I think it's "me", and if that's the case, at least the song-poet got creative and included a surprise ending to her song. 

Oh, and on this side of the record, the song poet has written "Permanent Request: Play For Me - Kay B." Well, Kay, here's your long distance dedication. 

Download: Mike Yantorno - I Tried, John (Joan)

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"Can Anyone Here Play a Steel Guitar?" "A What? What's a Steel Guitar?"

The band at Tin Pan Alley must have thought they knew exactly what to do when they received the song-poem lyric "Steel Guitar Waltz". We know how to play a waltz!!! However, having heard the output of the TPA gang from the mid 1960's on into the late '70's at least, I am pretty sure that none of the members of this small, extremely limited combo knew anything about steel guitars. You could even convince me without trying to hard that some of them had no idea what a steel guitar was. 

So here we have the "Steel Guitar Waltz" put forth by Mike Thomas with his usual level of aplomb - that is to say, frightfully little of it - backed by a band performance that is noticeably sans steel. That's okay - their oom-pah-pah style would fit better in a German beer hall anyway. "Lederhosen Waltz", anyone? 

This is also one of the many, many song-poem submissions where even someone who has never written a lyric can guess the rhyme that's coming up long before it gets there. In an all to quick mercifully short 122 seconds, it's over. 

Download: Mike Thomas - Steel Guitar Waltz

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If "Steel Guitar Waltz" contained rhymes one could probably sniff out in advance, the flip side, "Country Boy Going Home", contains to obvious a five year old might guess some of them. 

Even so, getting to those rhymes is a really fun ride at a couple of points, wherein the words ending the line are just as expected, but the syntax is odd, at the very least. 

For example, why, exactly, is the word "though" doing in this phrase?: 

And though it's pouring down outside, I'll leave here in the rain. 

I was also a little befuddled by the line "there won't be a town". Nice home you're going back to, country boy. 

And this one - in the same key as its flip (helpfully, I'm sure, for the band) takes two seconds longer than the other side. 

Download: Mike Thomas - Country Boy Going Home

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A New Image For the Old Year

Happy Almost New Year, Everyone. Let's Hope For the Best. 

When I recently solicited requests, after honoring one for Christmas song-poems, my pal and fellow blogger Sammy Reed jumped in and requested more of the female-led, very-late-period Tin Pan Alley house band, New Image. 

I dug around, and found that I have just one New Image 45 left, for which I had not previous shared the contents. So even if it was terrible, I'd have shared it, of course, having been asked so nicely. But this is FAR from terrible. In fact, there are things - wildly different things on each side - which make it a delightful record to share. 

Let's start with the side officially identified as the b-side, a religious rocker: 

This is called "One By One the Savior's Calling", and I gotta say, for all the (completely) mercenary facts behind the making of this lyric into a song and a record, this end result "works" for me as a Christian rock song several thousand percentage points more effectively than almost any serious "Christian Rock" song I've ever heard. 

It's ragged at the edges, for sure. The band shows its limitations repeatedly, not least all the places where the bass player hits the wrong notes, and the singer has more far in the areas of energy and emotion than she does in the area of accuracy (she misses far more notes even than the bass player). 

But the song is catchy as hell, and the entire arrangement fits it perfectly, at least to my ears. Most four minute song-poems seem like they'll never end, but this one flies by, entertaining from start to finish. I think (unless I'm forgetting some) that this will go to my personal top five of religious song-poems

Download: New Image - One By One the Savior's Calling

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The flip side, "A Love Song" is as ridiculous, from start to finish, as the above song is memorable. The lyrics had me laughing out loud a couple of times. 

First we are told what the writer would do "if I were to write a love song", which are fun words to start a lyric for a love song. But that's just the appetizer. The following lines have to go into the short list of the most unsingable lyrics ever sent in for song-poem creation: 

The goodness of your very soul has no value in the weight of gold 

Your compassion for your fellow man overshadows your beauty within

The remaining lyrics are not as clunky as that, although "redundancy of life" comes close, but, as you'll hear, they in no way fit the parameters of what will fit into the beat of a song - or at least not into this song's construction. I give the vocalist a 9.5 for making it through this tongue-twister and anti-rhythmically structured song with her voice intact. 

Download: New Image - A Love Song

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Ohoo! Ohoo Who? OHOO! Who's That? And What Did Ohoo Do?

Today, a record I've wanted to share for a really long time, but always held back because.... well because the record came to me with a chip out of the outside edge, and neither side will play all the way through from the start. But several days ago, I decided to see if I could create a sound file from each side which starts early enough that nothing but a few opening chords or riffs were missed, and hopefully almost make it sound like nothing was missing. Happily, I was able to do that well with one side, and passably with the other. Or at least they sound good enough to me. No more than five seconds appears to have been missed on either side.

The focus of all of this burning desire to share a record with you is the song "Ohoo Made a sin Out of Sex". And really, how could it NOT be. Especially when it features a singer as consistently awful as Eleanor Shaw (look for her other songs posted here if you don't believe me). This is the side with the nearly passable attempt at correcting for the missing music at the start. 

Other than that, I think I'd like to let you experience the weirdness, the downright otherness of this track, rather than go into much detail. Suffice it to say that it's truly awful in every aspect possible, particularly the vocal, and as the late host of a local radio show used to say "What the Hell is She Singing About". 

Download: Eleanor Shaw - Ohoo Made a Sin Out of Sex

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The flip side is "What Is Love?", happily not the insipid and mind-numbing number from 1960 by the Playmates, but unhappily, a song just as bad. And whoever wrote a melody line which contained the sweeping high notes of the sort heard at the 0:29 point.... well, clearly that person was not aware of Eleanor Shaw's vocal limitations. 

On the other hand, it's not too many songs, particularly not songs addressing aspects of the human condition (as this one does) which make reference to flat tires and a sprocket wrench. So there's that. 

Download: Eleanor Shaw - What is Love?

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The Irishman, Johnny Williams

I am very excited whenever I can land a copy of another Johnny Williams Tin Pan Alley release. I find that most of his records have at least one side which is entertainingly ridiculous in one way or another. He doesn't appear to have worked for the label for very long, and I love his records so much that I'm already dreading the day when I realize that there may be no more new-to-me Johnny Williams records left to hear for the first time. 

Today's presentation - hot off the eBay marketplace and into my turntable - is no exception to what I just wrote: 

I hope that the song-poet behind "The Irishman" appreciated what he or she received. Hard to say what that writer might have expected, since the entire lyric is only eight lines long. The folks at Tin Pan Alley did their best to stretch it into roughly 90 seconds of music, via a lot of drumming and a guitar solo. In this way, it's much like one of my two favorite Johnny Williams' singles, "Chinkerincky". 

If anything, "The Irishman has even fewer lyrics than that classic, but Johnny Williams gives it his all, with an appropriately, and typically ridiculous vocal performance. I am not disappointed. 

Download: Johnny Williams - The Irishman

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On the flip side is a real surprise. It's called "Shut Your Eyes and Court Her Again", and it's a tender lyric encouraging the practice of imagining one's lover as she was when you were newly in love. I found these words quite effective and touching. AND, it may be the only song poem I've ever heard to contain the word "bosom". 

Johnny Williams was, to my ears, not really capable of singing a slow and soft song with any technical skill, and I've mostly found his performances on such material to be anywhere from incompetent to cringeworthy. And he's not "good" here, either, but he sells it about as well as he was able, given those limitations, and at a certain level, he connects with the sweetness of the lyrics. 

And hey, doesn't the band sound, as heard here, seem to predict the 1960's sound of Sterling Records? That's kind of interesting, too. 

Download: Johnny Williams - Shut Your Eyes and Court Her Again

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Rocket 88??? NO! This is Rocket 99!!

Perhaps you are familiar with the classic R & B record "Rocket 88". If not, I encourage you to familiarize yourself with it now. This is one of the records that often gets called "The First Rock & Roll Single". It was credited to Jackie Brenston, but should have more accurately been credited to Ike Turner and his Band, as that was the name the group was named at, at the time. Today's record is not "Rocket 88", but does seem to be about a product that came out 11 updates later, and went up in the air, not down the street. 

Anyway...

I recently found an eBay auction for a record on Tin Pan Alley, "Florida Rocket (Number Ninety-Nine) by one Charlie Hines. Doing a little research, I found that a previous copy listed on eBay once sold for $200. And I thought "well, no bidding on this one for me". But then, as I often do, I went to see if I already owned a copy, and, wonder of wonders, I DO! 

The biggest surprise to me is not that I own a copy, or that it copies sell for up to $200, but rather, that I didn't put this one aside for use here on the blog the first time I heard it. I say that because it's a really fun record!

The record is from late 1958 or early 1959. It's definitely a silly arrangement, what with the slide whistle effects, and the song is a time capsule, with references to rockets into space, the space race with the Russians. That $200 sale described it as Rockabilly, which is a stretch, to say the least. 

Charlie Hines is not documented - anywhere that I can find - as having recorded anything else for Tin Pan Alley. I wonder why - he's the equal of the other singers they had working for them at the time. Anyway, like I said, this is a fun one, and I'm surprised I never thought to share it before. 

Download: Charlie Hines - Florida Rocket (Number Ninety-Nine)

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If "Florida Rocket" was a little silly, it had nothing on the flip side "Riding In My Little Sport Car", in which the focus is solidly on the car honk effect which recurs far too often, and sounds nothing like what a sports car's horn would have sounded like. Everyone involved plays as if they were well aware they were performing a ridiculous - and not very good - novelty arrangement. And I find that sort of odd, as the lyrics didn't have to be used in such a fashion - a straight ahead rocker would have worked with these lyrics just fine. 

Although.... does anyone else think it's weird that it's a "sport car" and not a "sports car"? Was the the terminology in the late 1950's? 

Download: Charlie Hines - Riding In My Little Sport Car

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What the HELL is He Singing About?

When I first decided to share this record, "The Rocking Chair Brand", it was mostly because of Billy Grey's forced, borderline obnoxious fake southern/western cowboy accent. Near the end of that first play, though, my ears perked up. "When did the lyrics move in THAT direction?", I thought. 

I've listened several more times, and I'm just befuddled. I guess he's singing about being a cowboy who's just about ready to die. All the lines about payday and helping his pals confused me, but I think he's promising to send them fortunate outcomes from the great beyond. I guess. He wants to apologize to St. Peter for taking so long to get there - see, he is working on improving his soul. Then he tells us where he'd like to be buried, and if that line isn't from out of left field, nothing is. Oh, but forget that, because now he'd liked to be cremated. If they find a place to park, that is. Oh, and then he throws in the title for the first and only time during the fadeout, for no apparent reason. 

A true masterpiece of oddness.  

Download: Billy Grey - The Rocking Chair Brand

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The flip side is "Shadow Dance". Maybe I'm completely off base here, but as this record dates from the early 1970's, the backing track sounds to me like the band wanted to tap into some of what Marvin Gaye was doing, musically, on the "What's Going On" album (throughout, but especially in those first ten seconds), but clearly were nowhere near  up to the task. 

The dance in question appears to involve nothing more than shaking your hands in front of a fire. The lyrics are truly minimal here: aside from riffing on individual lines from the verse, there are, by my count, only four lines to the entire song. And this gives the band (guitar, bass, drums) a chance to indulge in a solo section of approximately 1/3rd of the length of the record - over 50 seconds, during which the bass player and the guitarist do not seem to be remotely in agreement about what the chord changes are. 

Download: Billy Grey - Shadow Dance

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How Charming!

 

Well, I've been super busy, and it's been almost two weeks since I posted. I really don't have much time even now, so I won't say too much about this week's Tin Pan Alley item, featuring Ellen Wayne singing about "The Charm of a Texan's Smile". It's got an appealing, loping beat, and the singer gives quite a winning performance. I find the few things the lyrics actually say about Texans to be somewhere between suspect and flatly untrue, in my experience, anyway - looking at you, Senator Ted Cruz (among many others) - but maybe these things were more true 64 years ago or so, when this was recorded. 

(Oh, one line rings true: I'm sure Texans still learn all about The Alamo, but somehow, I have my doubts that schoolchildren in Texas learn that the battle was about whether Texas would be allowed to have slavery, an that "we" weren't on the right side of that argument.)

Note the references to Hawaii and Alaska - since this record came out around 1960 or so, those are extremely topical, given that both states were new to the union the previous year. 

Download: Ellen Wayne - The Charm of a Texan's Smile

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The flip side is what Billboard would have probably called a "Rock-a-Ballad" at the time (or at least, a few years earlier). It's called "The Church on the Mountain", and everything is put together reasonably well, to very little effect. 

Download: Ellen Wayne - The Church On the Mountain

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Now THAT'S What I Call Lyrics!

Every now and then I hear a new-to-me song-poem record that has that something extra that just completely captures me. One of the relatively recent times this happened was with a record on Tin Pan Alley by Jimmy Dee called "That's the Life For Me", and nearly two years ago, I labeled it my favorite song-poem purchase of the year, in this post. 

Well, I recently was lucky enough to purchase another Jimmy Dee record, and while I don't think this is anywhere near as good as "That's the Life For Me", I still wanted to win the record (on eBay) as soon as I heard the song file excerpt. And that's because "Cry Baby Blues!" contains a single lyrical line that made me laugh out loud, all by myself, and I literally kept laughing about that line through the rest of the song's playing time, during that first listen. 

And I don't think I'll say too much more. It's got a great sound, bouncy and infectious - I love late '50's Tin Pan Alley song-poems as much as any in the genre. But that line just kills me. Hopefully, you'll laugh, too - if not, then I suppose you and I laugh at different things. Or maybe setting you up to hear it will ruin that moment. I hope not. 

Download: Jimmy Dee - Cry Baby Blues!

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The flip side is "Heavenly Melody", and if the flip side didn't already convince me that Jimmy Dee shouldn't have done slow material (and it sorta did), this one seals the deal - I don't dig this at all, at all. 

Download: Jimmy Dee - Heavenly Melody

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Is It Too Late? It's NEVER Too Late

 

The larger song-poem factories must have turned out dozens of records a year. MSR, Film City and Globe, for example, may have released hundreds of records every calendar year. Small labels such as Noval or Star Crest may have released far under one hundred records over the course of their existence. In the middle are companies including Tin Pan Alley and Sterling, who seem to have released about 25-35 records a year, or somewhere around two or three a month. 

I bring all this up because today's release features related titles, and my strong guess is that it was just a coincidence. If Tin Pan Alley was making four to six song-poems a month, there's no way they had much of a backlog of material waiting for release, or enough "in the can" to pair two songs who's titles both ask and answer the same question. 

Ellen Wayne is the singer, and the question in song is "Is It Too Late For Me?" This record is likely from 1960 or 1961, and this song is a slow, weepy ballad, with triplets - both chorded and played individually - on the guitar (that is, when the guitarist doesn't miss the strings). In theory, this sort of thing should appeal to me, but the whole thing is ham-fisted, particularly her overly wobbly, borderline weepy vocal. 

I wonder if the song-poet here, Richards Simmonds, later dropped one letter from his first and last names and became very famous. 

Download: Ellen Wayne - Is It Too Late For Me?

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The answer to the question comes from a different song-poet - Louis Gallo (this guy?), on the flip side. And the answer, of course is: "It's NEVER Too Late". And this is an almost infinitely better record than the flip. It's bouncy, swingin' and Ellen's style works much better at this tempo. The guitarist handles the part considerably more effectively and the song doesn't wear out its welcome, lasting less than 90 seconds.   

Download: Ellen Wayne - It's Never Too Late

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